12. Scared Successful Woman - By Akpana Ahukannah

Wow!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, Dreams really do come true if you just believe, and do the work it takes to get there. For nearly 2 years I have been blogging about books written by others, but today I blog about my first book. For those who follow me on social media, it is no longer news that I have authored a sensational book about my personal experiences. What is not really known however, is what it focuses on and why I even choose to write about being Scared and Successful. Well...ponder no more, as in this post I will be sharing my exclusive interview with my publisher (Heart2World Publishing) on the WHAT, WHY and HOW of this book. Enjoyyyy!

• Why did you write this book?
  • Hmmmm…I’ll try not to give a cliché answer. Honestly, I wrote this book because I wanted to write. I’ve always dreamed about writing, one of my life goals from way back when, was to be an Author. Infact, I’ve written small stories and discarded them in the past. I think it it’s more a question of why this story? In that case, because I wanted to tell the truth about my fear, my bad habit of lying when I'm scared, my less than perfect goody 2 shoes self, but most of all my struggle to be real. I could have written fiction, but I decided my first book should be the truth about myself.

 

• Who are the readers you have in mind? Who is that one person you think really needs this book?
  • My reader is a young, upwardly mobile individual, who is beginning to realise that there is more to life than looking, feeling and acting good. An individual who is beginning to question him/herself about why exactly nothing seems to give lasting Joy. My reader is a seeker, searching for hope, truth and inspiration. My reader wants to grow emotionally and spiritually.

 

 

• What results do you expect to see in the lives of those who read through your book? What should readers be looking forward to by picking up your book?
  • First of all I want to see courage and authenticity (i.e. realness/truthfulness/originality ) displayed henceforth in the life of those who read my book and take it seriously. But more importantly, I want to see purpose being discovered and fulfilled. In this book my reader will find...
  • A new perspective on fear that might be holding you back.
  • Insight on fear triggers and residual fear.
  • A simplified approach for recognising your unique strengths and for clarifying your values.
  • My journey to finding and living in “Purpose”.
  • Real life stories that exemplify universal principles for building courage and facing fear
  • Finally, a manifesto by way of poem, detailing critical steps to becoming authentic.
    
    

 

• Can you describe your experience while writing this book? I could see the book is over 40,000 words long... What challenges did you face while writing, how did you surmount them, what was the motivating force to start and finish the book?
  • This is 3 questions in one. Lol... Let me take them one after the other.
     
  • Answer to Q1-  My experience was Surprise, Joy, Fear and Pride. I’ll explain.
    • Surprise first because wow! I did it! I saw this through even when I kept having doubts up till the last chapter.
    • Joy because the words just kept coming and I realised that I really am up to this, it’s not a fluke, I am a writer.
    • Fear because there might be some backlash, some people might be hurt, and I’m exposed now; there were somethings I almost did not write.
    • Pride because I did not let my fears stop me from putting the words down, also because over 40,000 words in first book, that’s something. Plus you can now call me an Author. (smiles)
       
  • Answer to Q2 - Time was a big challenge, Telling the truth was a challenge, Feeling unworthy and guilty as well.
    • Time : This was a challenge because I work full time in a demanding job, I’m married with 2 kids, I blog, I volunteer, I read etc. Sometimes there’s barely enough time for sleep and I love my sleep. I was able to overcome the time challenge by actually giving myself more time. It took nearly a full year, short of some days to finish this book. So I guess I paced myself. There were times when I would write 4-5 chapters in one day. And there were times I did not write a single word for months, though it was always on my mind. Eventually the biggest push was the deadline I had given myself to launch by my birthday. The closer it got to my birthday, the more determined I was to finish. So I sat tight and finished. Sometimes this meant writing all night till about 5am in the morning while hubby and the girls were asleep. But it paid off.
    • Truth : This was a challenge because I worry that there might be some consequences to some of the things I shared and that people might judge me. I am still in the process of overcoming this one. But what gives me courage is the fact that I wrote the truth, and I believe that by sharing this truth, others will be helped.
    • Unworthiness & Guilt: Does it make sense that I sometimes feel like a hypocrite having put these words down? Often I wonder, will putting these words down in a book absolve me or make me immune? I’m beginning to think that authors are like preachers in a way; Having voiced or written certain words, they are bound to them, with no room for error. I fear that I am not completely immune to error, but I am willing to tell the truth about my mistakes and to try again. I will never stop trying.
       
  • Answer to Q3- The motivating force was to find answers to all the questions that plagued me about Fear, Choice and Not-belonging. But also, to publish my first book by my 34^th birthday.

 

• Every book has a core message that the entire chapters are built around. What is the core of the book?
  • The core message of this book is “the journey to being real”. A journey of self-recognition, self-denial and self-acceptance. I used to pretend that I had no hidden parts, and I ran away from everything that forced me to confront the hidden parts of my character. However, Hiding gave me no peace. Truth, Purpose & Belief in the existence of God and his laws are the closest I have gotten to peace. Like every heroes journey, this one is also filled with its own tales of seeking, journeying, trials and triumphs.

 

 

• Where do you see the book and most importantly, yourself going in the near future?
  • I see the book going to the Perennial Seller List (i.e. a book that stays relevant through all trends, times and culture) I see it becoming a gift from mother to daughter, mentor to mentee and Husband to wife. I see Organisations giving it to young employees during personal-development programmes. I see churches sharing it with young about to be married couples. I see a series being made out of the many chapters of this book. I see it in the hands of Oprah Winfrey!
  • As for myself, I remain passionate about stories and will continue to share them in all aspects of my life. I see myself writing many more books and poems, I see myself teaching in many class rooms and platforms, I see myself rising to the top of my professional career in HR, I see myself running my own Leadership Academy. I see myself reading and learning continuously throughout my life.

 

 

• Does the message of the book apply only to women?
  • Not at all. It is a universal book that is relevant to the male and female sexes alike. Women may relate more however because of its title, and the author being a woman.

 

 

• If you were to describe the message/core themes of the book in four words, what words will you use?
  • This one is easy  hahha. They are on the Book cover sef!
    • FEAR, COURAGE, AUTHENTICITY, SUCCESS

 

 

• How does the message of the book fit into the context of what is happening in the society today as it relates to women, career, success or any other themes that resonate with you?
  • The message of the book is very relevant to what is happening in the society today and not only for women. First off, we live in the age of social media, filters and a zillion personal blogs. It is very easy to get caught up in all that information, hype and advancement to the detriment of our own personal reflection, unique qualities and creativity; This is why the message on authenticity is so important, so that we do not get lost, but rather find our true selves despite all the noise around us.
  • Secondly, the issue of success as defined by popular media today e.g. Money, cars, houses, and bling, is really quite a façade. True success depends on much more than monetary gains and I expand on this more in the book.

 

 

• What is the ultimate antidote to the fear of failure or overwhelming pressure?

Hmmmm, is this a set up? Ultimate Antidote to Fear? Well, I’ll give it a shot.

 

• First,  “know yourself” well enough to figure out which causes are for you, worth failing & fighting for. Therein, failure loses its harsh bite and becomes more of practice and a journey to eventual success.
• Second, “Have an infallible source by which you qualify good or bad and draw inspiration from” This will serve as your guide. In my case as a Christian; The word of God and Christ’s message of Love and righteousness.
• Third, “Discipline to do the right/good thing” as prescribed in your source above. Most of our fear comes from worrying about consequences for our wrong actions or inactions.
• Finally, Trust in God that all things worketh for our good even when things do not go as hoped for.

If you will like to order a copy of this book, please send a message to ...


Scaredsuccessfulwoman@gmail.com or


Call me on 08032469718 or


Contact Roving Heights Books on 09092158968


For more updates and excerpts from this book, you can follow me on Instagram/Facebook @Akpana_Ahukannah




Cheers to open minds!

11. Man's Search For Meaning

“Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. You cannot control everything that happens to you in life, but you can always control what you feel and what you do about what happens to you.”

Introduction

The above quote taken from the book is one that forces you to consider the fact that unpleasant things are bound to happen in the course of one’s life…and while it’s okay that we pray for grace to abound and for nothing to go wrong, more often than not…things do go terribly wrong. Be it in the form of financial struggles, ill health, work crisis, heartbreak, betrayal, abuse or even the death of a loved one.

Now when things do go wrong, what do we do about it? And how quickly are we able to bounce back? Or better still…how able are we to use that wrong situation to an advantage?

 Do we curl up and wait to die? Or do we find hope in that situation despite our suffering?

Are we able to look at such dire situations and ask if there is a lesson in there for us? but even further, fathom how that suffering can be transformed into something beneficial for us and for others.

Tough question I think, but something we all should aspire to.

Let me at this point say that this book was written by a camp survivor from the notorious era of the 2^nd world war, where all kinds of horrors took place in the German (Nazi) concentration camps. (Remember the movie “Escape from Sobibor”). Yeah, that magnitude of suffering.

 It is such an amazing twist but also a plus to this story, that the Author in question who was a Doctor and a Psychiatrist had to go through such hideous conditions himself, thereby having firsthand experience to validate his theories. Why do I say this? Often psychologist get specimen which they use in a ‘laboratory set up’ to draw their conclusions. But in this case the author along with other concentration camp inmates were the specimen under observation.

Background and important insights…

I will try to paint a small picture of the author’s experience Before, During and After his stay in the camp. This is to ensure you have some history, before going into the main take outs from the book. I find that this is the best way to really gain context on the learnings here shared.

VICTOR FRANKL

At the age of 3 knew what he wanted to become in life - “A physician”… and even as a youth frequently wondered about the meaning of life. He would personalise it by asking himself; what the meaning of the coming day was to the society, plus the coming days meaning for him as an individual.

This he said helped him to anticipate the new day and prepare for it accordingly.

He began to study philosophy at the age of 16 by attending adult classes, and during one such class he was asked to give a lecture on the meaning of life. He said “It is we that must answer the questions that life asks of us daily, and to these questions we can respond only by being our authentic selves and by being responsible for our existence. Our answers must consist not of talk and meditation, but of right conduct and actions, we must take the responsibility to find the right answers to life’s problems and fulfill the tasks which it sets for us constantly” This belief became the cornerstone of both his personal and professional identity.

Victor founded Vienna’s 1^st youth counselling programme for difficult young adults, and worked in the suicidal ward of a clinic at the university where he sought to help his patients find life meaningful even in the face of depression and mental illness. At the age of 30, he was heading the department of Neurology in the hospital where he worked. So, he was a successful young man, by all accounts whose success was founded on helping others get better.

At the time the war broke out and was raging fiercely in Europe, he obtained an American visa which would have enabled him escape all the horrors from the war, and move to a life of comfort and affluence, as a renowned professional in his field. However, he chose to stay back in his war torn country to protect his parents who had no other means of escape. And so…the war eventually caught up with him and his family, landing them all in the concentration camps.

Besides the many horrors of the camp and constant threats to his life, he found a way to stay hopeful and to give hope to others who were in the camp with him. And at the end of the war, when he found out that he was the only survivor from his family (he lost his parents & his pregnant wife), he was able to overcome his grief and become a counselor to many who had suffered a similar fate as his.

The big question is...how did he find the strength in the midst of all that pain and suffering to become a beacon of light and a source of hope to others.

I will outline in the quotes below, the more critical philosophies which he held, that not only saw him through the ordeal, but made him an even better & stronger person than he was before his ordeal in the camp. These principles he learned by experiencing and not just by textbook and analysis.

12 Quotes from Mans Search for meaning + my take on them.

1.      Life is not primarily a quest for Comfort, Pleasure or Power… rather it is a quest for meaning! Which once found, fosters the individual’s ability to survive and transcend whatever situation one finds the self in.

2.      There are 3 possible sources for finding meaning, these sources are…

o   Work - Creating something valuable or doing a significant deed (accomplishment)

o   Love - Experiencing something profound or encountering/caring for a person you love (Love here is explained as the ability to love the total human being, plus the ability to recognise the essential traits of this being and help them in actualizing it. Love here could also be for a cause rather than a person)

o   Courage - The attitude we take towards unavoidable suffering (The ability to transform tragedy into triumph, and to turn a predicament into achievement)

3.      A depressed soul can be cured by leading it to again find meaning in life. There is an ultimate purpose to any life here on earth, therefore life remains meaningful despite circumstances. Try to find that meaning. The book suggests that a helpful way to try to regain meaning is to imagine yourself at old age, looking back at all the things you enjoyed accomplishing with your life that made it meaningful. Are they significant things or are they minimal and disappointing?

4.      Don’t aim at success, the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success like happiness must ensue (i.e be an outcome), as the unintended side effect of ones dedication to a cause greater than the self, or as a by-product of ones surrender to a person other than himself.

5.      The truth as proclaimed by so many poets, thinkers and prophets is that LOVE is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. I’ve read somewhere that LOVE alone has the potential to heal the world and restore it back to Eden. I guess that is why even in the bible it is said “but the greatest of these is Love”. We are to constantly find ways to create and give that love in the world for the benefit of one or of all.

6.      Everything can be taken from a man, but one thing - The last of the human’s freedom, which is the ability to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. i.e Mans own attitude to his existence. Be it positive or negative.

7.      He who has a WHY to live for, can bear almost any HOW! Emotion which is rooted in suffering, ceases to be suffering the moment we form a clear and precise picture of the meaning, reason and value behind that situation. I found it very profound to read that in the camp when inmates attempted suicide due to the fact that they had lost hope, the most effective way of getting them back was helping them define a future goal, for which everything they were going through was going to serve as assets to. It was a way of getting them to understand that life still expected something of them in the future.

     For the author – one such goal was for him to imagine the various lectures and classes he was going to give after the war, on the psychology of inmates in the concentration camp.

     For one inmate (a scientist), it was a series of books he had started writing based on his unique knowledge but was yet to complete,

     and for another (a father), it was a child whom he adored and was waiting for him in another country.

      A man who is conscious of the responsibility he bears towards his work, another human being or a cause will never be able to carelessly throw his life away or fritter away time.

8.      No one has the right to do wrong, not even if wrong has been done to them.

9.      Freedom is in danger of degenerating the society, unless it is lived in terms of responsibleness. In this age of “freedom of everything”, responsibility towards channeling that freedom correctly is highly required. That is why the statue of liberty on the east coast, should be supported by a statue of responsibility on the west coast.

10.   There is a mass neurosis which plagues this present time, it is the state of “existential vacuum” which manifests itself mainly in a state of BOREDOM, and from that boredom arise many extremes. Fill your days with meaning, lest you become a zombie trapped in the existential vacuum.

11.  We should therefore not be hesitant about challenging man with a potential meaning for him to fulfill, for at any given point in one’s life there is; what one has already achieved & what one still ought to accomplish. Therein lies THE GAP BETWEEN WHAT ONE IS, AND WHAT ONE SHOULD BECOME. And In that gap lies many meanings waiting to be realised and fulfilled. Are you even aware of your own gaps???

            Love this one!

FINALLY…….

12. WHAT MAN ACTUALLY NEEDS IS NOT A TENSIONLESS STATE, BUT RATHER THE STRUGGLING AND STRIVING FOR A WORTHWHILE GOAL, A FREELY CHOSEN TASK! What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost but… the call of a potential meaning, waiting to be fulfilled by him.

     

     Love this even more!

There is a meaning, a purpose, waiting to be fulfilled by You! Embrace the call with open arms and be on the look out to fill your life up with meaning.

I hope this was useful, cheers to open minds!

10. Talent Is Never Enough

“The toughest thing about success is that you’ve got to keep on being a success. Talent is only a starting point. You’ve got to keep working that talent”

I first read the book “Talent is never enough” over 3 years ago, at a time when I was faced with a very tough decision concerning a career change. The book was given to me by my Husband and I remember him teasing me then that I read the book like I was studying for exams i.e. complete with notebook and pen to take notes and do assignments. It was a turning point book for me, and I like to say it was my first real introduction to the concept of purpose. What it did for me then was help me clarify my interests, and the aspects of my development that would keep me energetic and excited about my career. In addition to that, it provided a blue print of some sort for protecting and growing that career choice.

Now, years later I find that this book is still a page turner and the lessons in it are as relevant today as they were then and probably for all times.

The Author shares 13 timeless concepts on what makes an individual a “Talent Plus” person, because Talent alone is only a starting point. You need much more than Talent to make any sort of lasting impact, and to position yourself in the lists of those to be remembered or looked out for in any given field. I will be sharing 7 of those concepts in this post, hoping that you take enough out of it to begin your own "Talent plus" journey, or that it sparks enough of an interest in you to want to find out more/own a copy for yourself. I am certain that this will not be my last read of the book, as I have found that with more life experiences, certain chapters take on more significant meaning.

But 1^st things 1^st, let’s get one thing straight, everyone is talented or gifted in one way or another. You have to believe that, and need to have done the homework to even realise where your own strengths lay. That is the ground work required for the underlisted concepts from this book. (To know more about your talents or gifts, read my earlier blog post on “The great work of your life” or “The Purpose book”)

So, here goes…my top 7 concepts for becoming a "Talent plus" person.

1.      PASSION Energizes your talent

Of course I had to start with passion. But what does passion even mean? A strong desire, enthusiasm, excitement, great interest, or intense love for something. One popular question that is said to be used in determining passion is “What is that activity that if you were asked to do for the rest of your life without pay, you would be happy to”? In other words, you consider the activity on its own sufficient pay or enjoyment for the time you invest in it.

This is how passion plays out in our talents, it gives the enjoyment factor to whatever you’re engaged in and as such keeps you energized even when the going is tough. Passion also causes people to pay attention to you, because your evident enjoyment and creativity shines through. Your enthusiasm in those activities of interest can also become contagious and spread to those around you, creating inspiration for others. Therefore, try prioritizing your life according to your passions and watch your energy levels go up. Often we spend most of our time in activities we neither have the talent nor passion for, thus creating a very dull and low energy life for ourselves. The power to change this lies with us and the choices we make, choose to prioritise those passions and create avenues for them to become livelihood and a source of positive impact for the world at large.

2.      FOCUS Directs your talent

In this Era of constant distractions from a million tools and activities, the majority of us are in dire need of focus. Also, in this age of creativity and entrepreneurship, everyone is either creating something, or selling something, making us want to create or sell ours. The temptation to combine all these different hats can cause one to lose focus on the really important priorities because we don’t want to be seen as the slackers or the ones who have no ideas to push. So again, back to your passion and priorities, having identified them, you need to focus on them and not let all the noise from the environment distract you. Concentrate on sharpening your skills in those areas, don’t dissipate your energy on a million different things, hoping that one of them becomes a hit. As you concentrate your efforts on those priorities, you begin to pull from a deep well that you otherwise might have only scratched the surface, and this is where genius begins. The more you focus, the deeper your skills, the greater your insight and the more profound your creations. Stay focused on your priority goals, also stay focused on your strengths not your weaknesses...yes develop your strengths, but moderate your weaknesses so they don't ruin your strengths.

3.      PREPARATION/PRACTICE Positions your talent

The concept of preparation/practice is one that cannot be over emphasized, sometimes we like to think that good luck or opportunity will meet us wherever it finds us, but the truth is, opportunity can sometimes meet you and find you unready for what it has in store for you. It’s all good for us to have dreams of how far we want to go with our gifts, but you must first start somewhere. A few of us are not enthusiastic about the idea of working for others or doing free trials in the beginning, but the truth is sometimes the skills and lessons you pick up from those experiences are invaluable. No one becomes a star overnight, you can actually develop yourself by learning from others or working for others as part of your preparatory activities. Also, what tools or accessories do you need to be able to perform optimally in your chosen field? Are you investing in those, are you learning all that you can about that field? These actions may seem like work in the beginning but will pay off in the long run. Take good time to sharpen your craft as the rewards are bound to come in, in due course.

4.      PERSEVERENCE Sustains your talent

Perseverance, Grit, Staying Power, Endurance, etc. are all terms to signify one’s ability to keep going even in the face of adversity. As we all know, life is never completely rosy, there will be times that will take a toll on us either physically, mentally or emotionally. Our response to those times, and our ability to keep going despite such times often determine our eventual success or decline. Im sure we’ve all heard of, or known of individuals who despite several hardships turned out to be huge successes, or some individuals who we had great hopes for but somehow faded out because they just did not have what it took to keep going in the face of difficulties. Some people settle for less when they become disillusioned that things aren’t going according to plan. We have to develop a high level of resilience to be able to forge ahead during such times, its okay to be down but don’t stay there, pick yourself back up and keep going.

5.      CHARACTER protects your talent

Many people with talent make it into the limelight, but the ones who have neglected to develop strong character rarely stay there long. This is because some talented people are sometimes tempted to take shortcuts, and when they get found out, it destroys everything they spent time building. The character of an individual reflects their core values, their level of integrity and the amount of self-discipline they possess. You can spend a lot of time building your reputation but one mistake or misplay has the potential to destroy a lifetime of stellar performance. Therefore in all you do, be sure to protect your character by maintaining a good reputation and living a life based on integrity. Easier said than done I know, but well worth it. Bottom line, “Do the right thing” or it might just come back to haunt you when you least expect it.

6.      RELATIONSHIPS Influence your talent

Nothing influences talent as much as the important relationships in your life. Surround yourself with people who contribute to your talent one way or the other. If you spend time with people who are going in a completely opposite direction from yourself, they become like a clog in your wheels and slow down your growth. Sometimes the people you surround yourself with serve as inspiration to lift you to greater heights, even without actively contributing to your own talent. Truth is some relationships take from us and drain us, while some relationships add to us and serve to grow us. Be conscious of the relationships you’re forming and how they impact your life and your future. You too can also be a source of inspiration for someone else, so don’t always be on the lookout for relationships to take from, also have relationships where you give of yourself or help to grow others too.

7.      TEAMWORK Multiplies your talent

This was probably the biggest lesson for me, not because I don’t know what teamwork is but because I just like to do things on my own. I am one fiercely independent individual who likes to take charge of stuff and see them through. But really we cannot do everything on our own, you can try, you’ll do some very well but others will suffer. Really nothing expands talent faster than teamwork, so begin to see the strengths in others around you and learn to give off some of the load to others to carry for you. It serves to develop others, while also taking some pressure of you. In the award winning movie Rocky, the boxer describes his relationship with his girlfriend saying “I’ve got gaps, she’s got gaps, but together we’ve got no gaps”. What a wonderful description of teamwork. It doesn’t matter how talented you may be, you have gaps! There are things you don’t do well, and the best way to handle your weaknesses is to partner with others who have strengths in those areas. If you want to do something really big…You need a team!

Sooo….these are my top 7 concepts from the book “Talent is never enough”, hope you found them useful. I sure did. The application of these concepts 3 years ago, set me on my current path and protected me from a huge career blunder. If you can get a hold of the book, pls do so, in order to learn of all the other concepts that make you a “Talent plus” individual.

Cheers to open minds!