7. My IWOW experience (Nuggets on creating your own economy and living a life of value)

When you hear an event is at the wheatbaker and see the line up of speakers as shown in the picture, you already have a certain kind of expectation and those were my thoughts as I drove into the venue that morning. I was very early, I think the 1^st attendee to arrive, they were 3 or 4 ladies already in the venue but part of the organizing team, so I had time and space to just take in the ambience on my own before it got busy with the arrival of other attendees. It was breath taking…I mean it, in my experience I had never seen a venue for such a programme look so beautiful...and there was something else, it was in the air, the place had this scent like a garden, filled with flowers and some sort of light burning incense. I kept taking in deep breaths, I did not want to release the air from my lungs.

Eventually I walked to a seat at the back of the room and put down my bag, all the seats at that time were unoccupied but I sat in the back, and as I looked around the room I asked myself why are you seating at the back? At that moment I realized I was a little afraid, can you believe it? You see…I had paid for the Executive ticket which gave an exclusive admittance to a master class session targeted at individuals who wanted to take their businesses or creative ideas to #Mega levels, we were talking CEOs and Leaders in different works of life, and here I was, suddenly thinking. Uhmmm maybe I should have just gotten the regular tickets, this is too grand for me, am I going to be the dumbest person in the room? Bla bla…my mind kept going. So I got up and walked out of the room to the ladies. When I walked back into the room, I marched right up to the front row and put my bag down, because in the rest room I had said to myself what’s the worst that could happen, you’ll watch and you’ll learn, so take a vantage seat and get ready to absorb.

The other attendees started to arrive (See, women are beautiful), allow me to indulge here pls.

The 1^st lady that walked in was very tall and had a certain kind of beauty that in my head I described as firm, she wore an Ankara skirt with a white shirt and had this carriage that made me feel like the Head girl just walked in, she had an expression that seemed to say, I’m here and if there’s a problem I’ll fix it, plus colorful trendy glasses and looked right at home in the lavish set up. As others came in, I allowed myself to look at them unashamedly and just appreciate each one while trying to figure out in my head what they did, I did not approach any of them, but as I sat and watched, a lady came up to me, she said Heloooo, I think I know you, I smiled at her and I stood up to say hello...I had just met my 1^st #IWOW Sister.

The Opening

The session was opened with prayer, followed by dancing (there was an in-house DJ with fantastic sound and light effects). Let’s talk a bit about the dancing, because I think everyone understands why prayer, but dancing not quite so much, some people may even ask what all the singing and dancing was about? so here’s what I think it was about. For me, it was the perfect Ice breaker and loosening up tool. We were at that point, about 30-40 women in the room who were probably just meeting each other for the 1^st time, we all came from different backgrounds and had different priorities, but one thing we all had in common was our ability to move our bodies, When the music came on, one by one we started to move, the bolder ones pulled the shy ones in, and before we knew it we were in a line up dancing around the room, suddenly the atmosphere in the room had gone from one of expectant silence to familiar laughter, and as we watched each other move, we smiled and held hands and clapped and teased, by the time we got back to our seats, the chatter in the room had to be quietened by the anchor lady.

Major Learnings & Aha! Moments

I could tell a story about each speaker but then this might become too long, so im just going to share highlights from my notes. By the way I wrote until I finished the ink from 2 pens and nearly filled up my summit notebook. Not just about the things being discussed, but also about all the ideas and thoughts that flowed to me due to the level of inspiration in the room. It was that rich! So, here we go…

DAY ONE

·    Pursue what you have an interest in and enjoy doing, as this will act as a sustaining factor when times are tough, don’t jump into what seems to be the trend because eventually you will fall way behind those who have the passion/enjoyment factor driving them on.

·    Be clear about your values, in essence what you would do and wouldn’t do, write them down so that they act as a guide when controversial situations come up. Failure to do this might have you compromising yourself and diluting the essence of your brand, in a bid to make progress under desperate circumstances.

·    Who are your influencers and who are your friends? What kind of counsel do you receive? What you let into your environment is essential to your growth, so be conscious of who you surround yourself with and what you learn/unconsciously pick up from them.

·    Hope is not a strategy. We need to move from hoping/wishing/thinking to documenting our strategy, stating clear milestones that can be used to measure our progress. After you’ve documented this, keep a circle of accountability – people who will help you keep your eye on the ball, gently nudge you back in line when you seem to be going off, and encourage you when your strength seems to wan.

·    Seeing success in others should not intimidate you or make you feel envy, it should inspire you. Intimidation keeps you in a place of grumbling, while inspiration moves you into a place of action. Appreciate the milestones others have made and celebrate them, you cannot attract what you do not celebrate.

·   There is a new consciousness on doing great creative things, The New is right where you are. Work with what you have in your hands, do it from wherever you are, quit waiting for the right place, the right connect, the right amount, start with what you have, wherever you are.

·   Take stock of who you are. What are your strengths? Your values? Why are you doing what you do? and what is your definition of success? Give this deep thought, write them down and be deliberate in fulfilling what you know to be your personal vision. If you never had one, then try creating one using the guide questions above.

·    Never be ashamed or modest with your history & where you’re coming from, use it instead as a bridge to connect to others, enhance your experience and build an even better you.

·    You don’t necessarily need to own a business yourself to give value, you can work for others and still be a person of great value with unique skills that the organization appreciates and recognizes. You only need to clarify what value you give and do it from a place of intention and skilled purpose.

·    Be clear about who your target audience/customer is, else you run the risk of expending energy and resources chasing everyone and everything. You may be selling, but hardly growing, so check your margins and be certain you’re expending energy in the right place.

·    Never underestimate the power of association and endorsement from the right people, become pro-active about getting the right people see your work, use your work and re-commend your work. You must have contact with those who are able to take you where you envision.

·    The media is a powerful tool to help you grow and reach corners far out of your reach, if you tap into it and use it correctly. Be deliberate about what you put out there about yourself and your business.

·    Sign up for forumns that will empower you, don’t wait for your organization to train you, seek out programmes that will grow you mentally and financially. Attend!

·    Ladies, we need to stop tearing each other down and just appreciate each other. To quote one of the attendees. “It’s time to stop wondering if she’s wearing a body shaper and just appreciate how good she looks in the body shaper, it’s time to stop gossiping about her cheating husband and appreciate her strength and growth inspite of it all”.

·    The purpose of your enterprise should never be just about you and all the nice things you stand to gain (e.g. cars, houses, bags, etc.) Always think of how you are giving back to the society and how you are creating value that has ripple effects in contributing to the lives of others, e.g. your staff, your clients, your vendors etc.). This higher vision will create everything else. See your vision as a tool in helping others succeed.

·    Have a global outlook and benchmark your business or Ideas using Global standards.

·   You don’t have to do everything yourself, collaboration is very important, when you know yourself and your strengths, harness the strengths of others to fulfill other parts where you’re not so strong. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s one of the greatest strategies of life.

·    Sometimes life knocks you down to prepare you or direct you along a certain path, don’t stay down, use your pain to grow and build. Challenges are a constant in life, what you do with it however is what sets you apart from the victims.

·   Whether glass ceiling, bamboo ceiling, whatever ceiling, when you shatter or break through it, you emerge with cuts and bruises, and while that may have been necessary for a time, the best bet now is to remove the ceiling both mentally and otherwise so that others can pass through unscathed. This you will do by ensuring that women are represented when decisions are being taken, and not shy away from those tough situations. Speak up and speak out!

DAY TWO

·    Ceilings are mental concepts and exist in different spheres of life, there are culture ceilings, there are age ceilings, there are race ceilings and there are religious ceilings. The thing about ceilings however is that all those who ever transcended them, decided to overlook their existence and push on in spite of them.

·    We all have different destinations (priorities) in this life, so why focus on what someone else is doing, run your own race and focus on your own journey. You might want what they have but you don’t know their struggle.

·    You need to recognize your hours of intense strength and inspiration, (those moments when ideas flow freely and you execute flawlessly) Use those hours consciously, and don’t fritter away those times. (Mine is early in the morning – I feel a certain level of spirituality in the mornings, my strength is high and it’s quiet so I can really go into my mind.)

·    Fear is a normal phenomenon of life, so you can feel the fear… but don’t let it stop you. More importantly, when your purpose/reason is compelling enough it will overshadow whatever fears you have, because your focus will be to achieve that purpose inspite of any challenges that come your way. Therefore, clarify your purpose, as it will be an added source of strength on those stormy days. Think, yes im afraid, but what can I do to move from a place of fear to a place of empowerment.

·    We fear what we do not understand and we are impatient with what we do not want to occur in our lives. The next time something or someone repels you, ask your self in what ways has this harmed/affected me, and in what ways have I harmed/affected others like this. Maybe then we can begin to listen/look beyond our irritation and really see the situation for what it is, with empathy.

·    Crisis wakes you up from your comfort zone, embrace it and grow

·    Try not to play the sexuality game.

·    Any economy/situation is driven by the amount of faith you have in that economy/situation, if you don’t have faith in it, you don’t believe in it and you don’t commit to it. At the slightest sign of trouble you bolt, and if everyone bolts at the sign of trouble who then stays to make things work.

·    We all need to go back to our different spaces or spheres of influence and begin to work on improving the position of all with whatever abilities we have. Public wealth enriches all. Individual wealth impoverishes everyone.

·   When your life is all about you, Joy is difficult. Ask yourself, how can I align my personality/business/strengths to the biggest questions the world is asking.

·    Focus is good, but it’s good to know other things as well, so you can converse and have a bridge in connecting with others outside your comfort zone. Therefore, educate yourself, not only on the things you like, but on relevant happenings around you, and your world in general.

·    Don’t be friends with only those who tell you all the time how awesome you are, have those who tell you the good, bad and ugly. They keep you grounded and help you grow.

·    She…who do she, She…do she! Meaning a person is the 1^st beneficiary of whatever poisen, ill will, envy, negativity, malice that they dish out to others. So if you’re busy condemning and plotting against others, you can be certain you’ll receive same in full measure, pressed down and shaken over. Basically whatever you do to others will come back to you.

·   The 1^st rule of influencing others is in giving value to them. Once your value is proven, they are more readily willing to accept your input on things.

·    Cultivate the people sitting next to you, they may be the girl next door right now but are in essence tomorrows CEOs, Ministers, MDs and Moguls. The focus is too much at the top, and those people barely have any time and too many clashing priorities.

The Shock Factors (Controversial discussions of the summit)

·   The ultimate shock factor came from one of the female speakers in the summit because she dared to venture into topics that we ladies typically shy away from or pray away from. Topics like divorce, sex, adultery, sex toys, corporate battles, Revenge, God being a He-She, the joy of taking a lover and male emasculation. There was a plot to all this, it wasn’t just random but I’d not go into the details. What I’d like to go into however is the mixed reaction in the room. While some ladies stood up and clapped to cheer her on as she spoke, some ladies walked out of the room in either shock, anger or embarrassment, a few others sat calmly and listened. I observed the 3 groups almost like I wasn’t quite there myself. It was a strange feeling, I heard everything she said but when the reactions started, I found myself watching the faces of those around me and trying to understand what was happening inside them at that moment. I kept wondering even as I watched, what side am I on? I never really figured it out, what I noticed however was my pen flying across the pages of my notebook, I had recorded my entire experience of that moment, plus that of a few people I intensely observed. I could feel each of their perspectives and all felt justified in their own right. In that moment I connected with them all, the speaker and the 3 different perspectives in the room, maybe there was a 4^th , maybe there were others absorbing like me, I learnt something about myself in that moment.

·   The next shock factor came from a young male speaker who talked about his deliberate abstinence from Social Media during the Lent season. While not condemning social media, he made it very clear that social media seems to be becoming more of a curse than a blessing to those who use it carelessly (majority of this generation). A particular statement of his really struck a chord with me, he said “There is a rush to declare victory even when still in the process. We are so caught up with letting other people know how far we’ve come, that we cut short the process of fully becoming”

“The urge to impress others has begun to truncate our own growth, this constant cycle of seeing what others have done is becoming poisonous to our souls, people don’t want to undergo the process of growth anymore, they just want to show. #PepperDemGang

·    The 3^rd shock factor came from the Ex-Governor who at the beginning of his speech challenged all who were in the room to move into politics, because the change we expect for this country will never come if we continue to stay out of the affairs of this nation. He likened it to expecting things to change when Lunatics have been left to run the asylum. He said “The issue isn’t that there are no people to do the jobs that need to be done, the issue is that you the best people have left the best jobs for the worst people, all because you don’t want to get your hands dirty. “Don’t talk about creating your own economy until you change the status quo of this nation”. You can’t imagine the buzz in the room as he spoke sharing real life experience from his tenure as Governor, challenging us normal citizens to begin to take steps to move into the decision making positions, v.s sitting on the outside bickering about how the country is being run.

·    The last shock factor I’d like to write about was from the “catalyst” who asked us to envision our future and picture our death and eulogy. The idea behind this was to walk from the end back, and note down all the things we’d like to be remembered for, while taking conscious steps starting now to live lives that would be worth remembering and would count for something. There were few whispers under the breath of, how can I picture my death? God forbid etc. His message however was that death is inevitable, the sooner we accept and begin to make every waking day count for something meaningful, the better for us and the world at large.

Now I know a lot of what I’ve shared here is probably not new to some of us, but remember this is just a summary of all the giving and receiving that was happening in the summit. You cannot put into a quote the feeling of complete trust and love in the hug of a person who few hours ago was a stranger to you, or even the tears of women in the room who empathized with a sharing sister. You cannot capture the gratitude in the heart of one, who a stranger suddenly offers to help set up their business in a location they only dreamed about, or the wonder of an isolated woman sitting by herself being approached by another whose intention is to connect in a meaningful lasting way. The truth is, these kinds of sessions are mostly impactful to those who are open to it, but I certainly hope that I’ve been able to at least give you a few thoughts to ponder on, which either in the short or long term will be beneficial to your growth as an individual and as a business.

My gratitude goes out to the founder IWOW Mrs Udo Okonjo -The Queen's daughter herself (inside joke). A queen by all standards, a brave woman, an innovator and a mentor to many. Also to Mrs Winifred Ajakpovi (One of the organizing members) an ex colleague, a friend and sister to me, who sent me the invitation for the summit. What your team put together was powerful and will stay with me for a long...long time.

I will not leave out my summit sisters, Fatima of Frontida (The elite concierge outfit), Ziba by Anne Ekwueme (For the woman who understands royalty), Cornelia (Of coronation Bank who coaches troubled women ), Shirley hills (The compere and upcoming mistress of ceremonies). You ladies made my experience soooo rich...Thank you for being open.

You can contact me on aykay80@gmail.com for any enquiries you might have, or just leave a comment and I'll be thrilled to respond.