Hmmmmm…..I really needed to start this post with a long
drawn out breath, you know the type you take when you’re about to give serious
gist…exactly that type, and for good reason too as you’ll soon find out.
I haven’t posted in a while but wow! am I glad to be sharing
this particular book now, because in my opinion, it’s an amazing guide to help shape
your year early enough.
Like the title depicts, it’s about receiving and that’s
supposed to be a simple thing right? Like common, who doesn’t know how to
receive and who doesn’t like to receive? My dears you’re about to understand
this word in a whole new context so pleeeaaase… PAY ATTENTION!
“The world will give you
only as much as you can RECEIVE and only what you are ready to take in”
I’ve seen the above quote or versions of it before but never
really gave it much thought, in my opinion I was ready to receive all the
things I ever dreamed about, why would I want it if I can’t receive it, is
there such a thing as not being able to receive what you want? What do we
even mean by “Receiving”?
Receiving as defined by this book means – To willingly accept or to be in receptive states that enhance your
ability to take in.
Basically the act of receiving is not limited only to “HAVING”
things we can see and touch, it also has to do with FEELING, ALLOWING, BEING, YIELDING, LISTENING, WATCHING, APPRECIATING,
GROWING, INCLUDING, ACKNOWLEDGING, RELAXING, ATTRACTING,WELCOMING, OPENING,
HEARING, ACCEPTING, LETTING BE(These words are deliberate, so let them sink
in).
All this might seem a bit confusing, but in a little while
as you read on, we’ll all be on the same page.
In order to fully understand receiving, let’s talk about
giving for a little bit. Using the example of a butterfly and a flower, who in this context is
the giver and who is the receiver? The butterfly perches on the flower bush and
takes its pollen and spreads it around, the flower stays put and waits for
butterflies to come to it, it appears the flower bush is the one doing all the
giving right? However picture this…One day a group of flower bushes sat in a
field soaking up the beautiful sun, anticipating the visit of the butterflies
while joking about how greedy the butterflies were… they just take & take
they said, and in a little while the butterflies showed up and perched on all but one, and when they had their fill,
in their pretty colours they swarmed away to another set of flowers further
down the road. The next day, same repeated itself, and the next day too, soon
all the other flowers began to look at that one unperched flower in pity ahhh
there must be something wrong with it they said, even the butterflies don’t
take from it. Suddenly the dynamics had changed, and the flower bushes felt
grateful to the butterflies who came to take their pollen. (There’s more to the
story but I’ll stop there cos I think you get the idea)
To use a more realistic example, Imagine you threw a big
lavish party and invited your friends to come, you spent the whole day,
cleaning, decorating, getting stuff set, got gifts for everyone, hired an
awesome band to play and everyone showed up and had an awesome time. How would
you feel? V.S you did all that and only a scanty number showed up? To an
onlooker the host seems to have done all the giving, and the attendees the
receiving, the host might even think, everyone came and had all this fun at my
expense and no one thought to bring me a gift…forgetting that there wouldn’t be
a party if no one showed up. Is it beginning to get clearer now? There’s more
than one way to look at the act of giving, and it mustn’t always be measured on
your own terms.
At this point I’d like to make reference to a quote from
another great book I read which says “You
should give to your neighbor with your being, your nature, and not necessarily always
with money, goods or praise…for then, those without means or eloquence would be
excluded from the possibility of giving”
Back to the book…the author says she studied how people
chased away what other people tried to give to them because it wasn’t exactly
in the shape or form they expected, and she looked at the cultural
underpinnings that supported a life philosophy that puts a “halo” around giving
while ignoring receiving and the various ways we receive.
It is easy to make the mistake of thinking that something
happens because we alone make it
happen, we view our own actions as the only measuring stick ... or that things
have to happen only the way we envision it happening. The power of receiving
promotes a philosophy that values receiving as much as giving, and hopes to
teach the various ways we can receive from life in the fullest and most
complimentary ways. Keep an Open mind.
So ….
Do you know how to
receive?
A man and his family were trapped in a
flood and as they huddled together on the roof of their house he prayed to God
for help…soon someone comes by in a rowboat and says climb in but he responds
no need, go help someone else as I’ve prayed to God for help, later a
helicopter comes by but still he responds that’s okay, go along as I’ve prayed
to God and he will save us. The waters rise and he and his family drown, shocked
the man complains to God, I served you faithfully, why didn’t you help me, God
replies, I sent you a boat and a helicopter but you turned them away.
Do you know what
you want?
“If you want
something, you need to be clear about it and be willing to initiate or accept
activities that will give you your desire. However, if you are unclear, and if
you never pause to watch the results and to assess what you have set in motion,
you will miss information/clues that will help you.”
How can we
become better receivers?
-
Receive everything – Decide Later : This means receive all the data from your environment including the inner environment of your feelings, process it in good faith, and then decide what you want to do with it, before acting. Often, the only reason we don’t fully understand circumstances, people or events is because we never really received them to begin with. We only accept what we want, we pay attention to what we want to hear instead of what is being said, we see only what we want to see, instead of everything that is being shown to us. The more data you receive, the more likely you will make appropriate choices. Conversely, people who don’t receive are often flying blind i.e. making decisions without all of the relevant data. Sometimes we block information that is coming in for a myriad of reasons. Quit blocking, take it in and process in good faith.
- If I accept the gift, do I owe the giver? : Have you ever felt that you will have to do something you don’t want just because you accepted a gift or help? Sometimes we worry that receiving will create an obligation, but there are times when it is not possible to return a favour so don’t sweat it, just pass it on, others say pay it forward, you can pass on the kindness to someone other than the one who performed a good deed for you. Also, showing gratitude is a form of giving back, when someone shows gratitude for a good deed done, the feeling is very different from someone who shows no gratitude. With someone who only takes, the energy just goes out and goes out and doesn’t come back, but with the receiver, the energy comes back to the giver and inspires them to do more. I’m sure we all must have at some point experienced the joy of receiving gratitude in a way that makes you just want to keep on giving. For e.g., the joy of a teacher who sees the student excel, the joy of a mother who sees her child grow or the joy of an artist who feeds off the excitement of the audience.
- Write down your goals: Your goal is simply what you want to receive/achieve, once you write it down you have begun a relationship. Pls do not write down too many at a time so you can focus. 1 goal would be a great way to start, and then you can consolidate on that one goal and focus on taking it from inception to completion before moving onto others. There will be many sub notes that will follow from this one goal, so don’t give yourself too much at a time so as to have sufficient energy to focus, dig deep and reap from it. In writing this goal, pls be simple, be specific, do not ramble or lose direction and make it measurable so you know if you’re making progress or not. E.g. My goal: I want to blog about 1 book per month, while creating/accepting opportunities to speak about it in that same month. Now that you have written it down, next….
- Practice the 3 steps
- Accept all compliments – Don’t turn away the simple/little things life wants to give you as it’s been proven that a huge connection exists between your willingness to receive even the simplest things in life and what you actually get. E.g. someone says “I love what you’re wearing it looks great on you” don’t say, this old thing, I got it for N1k only and pls don’t point out the stain on it. Someone holds the door for you and you say oh don’t bother. Remember, to receive is to willingly accept and when you do not, people notice. A lack of acceptance and acknowledgement sends out the message that we do not want to be given to, and life co-operates by giving less and less. Life is constantly giving, be observant and you will be amazed at the various ways you constantly receive. Receiving takes practice, and if you start with the smaller things, you will soon graduate to the bigger ones. Learn to accept and say thank you, don’t deflect the little things.
- Count your blessings & Be grateful – When you tell someone you are grateful for something they have done for you, you are not only giving them the gift of your enjoyment, your gratitude is likely to inspire them to give again. Whether you are grateful for breakfast, or the beautiful trees outside, or health, or wealth, your brain just registers gratefulness, don’t decide that you should be more grateful for wealth than you should be for health, everything plays so count your blessings, quit comparing and complain less. The more grateful you become, the more opportunities for gratitude you’ll receive from life. Starting a gratitude journal could be an awesome way to focus on all the things you are grateful for, for e.g. at the end of each day put down at least 5 things you are grateful for (Getting home safe, roof over your head, light at home, food to eat, life itself). If daily is too much, you could start with weekly.
- Be spiritually naked (Be authentic) - To be spiritually naked is to be self-revealing, it means that you don’t only show the good, healed and healthy parts of your personality when you are with people, it’s okay to be vulnerable. The reason for this is that if you embrace your wholeness, others will also. When we are open and honest about all of who we are it is easier to make real connections that stand the test of time. Hiding who we are inhibits both giving and receiving , think about it… how can someone really be there for you if they do not know what’s going on and how will you know what you can do for someone who refuses to share what their challenges are? Once you are comfortable being genuine, you seek out and attract others who are as well…so expand your capacity to receive by embracing the fullness of who you really are while recognizing the various ways others give to you with the fullness of who they truly are.“Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don’t accept others the way they are”So what can we do to change this?
- Try a complaint Fast: Are you one of those who’s always talking about what’s not working, who did not do what, what you are not getting, and how unfair life is? Well, life is listening to you, and if you were life, what will your reaction to such a person be?How about changing your perspective for a little bit and I mean genuinely changing your perspective not just paying lip service. Trying to see the lesson in situations, trying to milk the good parts, trying to see yourself as the solution, playing your own part to salvage a situation vs throwing your hands up in despair.The thing is …complaints push away things rather than draw things towards you, complaints discharge negative energy without changing anything. Expressing your feelings is different from complaining. Complaining focuses on what the other person isn’t doing, what you aren’t getting, basically indicating that the problem is with them or the situation and you are a victim. Expressing your feelings states how you feel about a situation but also suggests what can be done about it. E.g. someone says “You are so wicked, you’ve never helped me out in any way despite all I do for you” V.S “I’d like it if you helped by doing so and so…is there something that makes you unable to” you can imagine which statement is likely to get more results or at least give room for a beneficial conversation.
- Ask for what you want: Not asking for what you want could be interpreted to mean your not knowing what you want, your not wanting anything at all, your inability to include yourself in the scheme of things or even that others deserve it more than you do. If someone asks you what you want, do you speak in vague concepts or get fuzzy about what you want, if so…you need to clear your head and openly ask for what you want. And once you have asked, be open to receive in the various ways that we had earlier listed. Sometimes you may not get what you want, it may be that you need to sit with the disappointment of not getting what you want and take something out of it, but know this…Life is always giving, and sometimes it could be feedback that you’re not quite ready. More often than not, you will get what you want as long as you are open to receiving, it might not be on the scale you dreamed and sometimes that causes us to deflect what we receive, but if you are patient and willing to grow in it, you’ll get what you want, just don’t expect to go from 0-100 in a second without practice. Cinderella’s only wish was to go to the ball, but we all know the chain of events sparked from that one simple wish.
- Spread the love: There’s a song/bible verse that goes like this “ Give and it will come back to you…full measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, give and it will come back to you cos when you give you give to the lord” Need I say more?
At this point I’d
like to share with you all my own little miracle that occurred from applying
the principles of this book.
Exactly 6 days ago, I was reading this book and responding
to some of the exercises which the book advices readers to carry out.
On the exercise of writing down your goal I wrote: I want to blog about at least 1 book per month,
while creating/accepting opportunities to speak about it in that same month.
On the exercise of writing down what you want your goal to
deliver to you I wrote: a) I want to be invited to speak about topics
discussed in my blog posts. b) I want to receive recognition for my blog c) I
want to earn from my blog.
All these were written on Sunday evening, by Monday I went
to work and tried really hard to apply some of the principles from the book,
e.g. accept compliments, and say thank you, don’t deflect, accept and reflect
on it, don’t complain, be grateful, be authentic, be true to yourself, be part
of the solution etc. handful but I tried anyway.
On Tuesday, 2 youth corpers who work in my office walked in
with a request just as I was about to step out for a meeting, the thing is one
of them had come to me just few weeks back asking for a small donation for a
project they were working on for their CDS group and I had obliged him. Seeing
him again that morning, my initial impulse was to ask them to come back when I
was back from my meeting but I decided to give them a listen and not deflect,
and then the lady corper with him began to speak. She said they wanted to do
something to mark the International Women’s Day in a secondary school and
wanted role model women in the society with a strong message to share to help them
speak to the senior students (especially the girls) of the school, on the need
to live purposeful lives, to recognize their strengths instead of being
ashamed, to embrace their womanhood and use it for the enhancement of society
at large, to not be afraid to chase their dreams and excel in their chosen
careers and that they thought I was perfect for the role and asked that I do them
the favour of accepting as this was coming up on Thursday (2 days’ time). I was
quiet for what seemed like a long time, so many things ran through my head in
those few seconds, it was too short notice, this was not exactly the kind of
speaking forum I had in mind, omg! Wasn’t this what I sort of asked for? But
corpers will not pay me to speak…but then I remembered you don’t go from 0-100
in seconds, you start somewhere, and so I smiled and I accepted, I cleared my
schedule for Thursday morning and begun to prepare like I was going to speak at
a conference.
On Wednesday I received the official invitation from them in
my mail box and saw that I was going to be speaking together with another Lady.
Curious me, I immediately checked out the profile of my co-speaker and stood up
from my chair to do a little dance when I saw that the lady in question was the
general manager of a radio co-operation. At this point I was already connecting
the dots to the list I had written down on Sunday barely 3 days ago.
On Thursday morning, I decided why don’t I take some
gifts along with me to give to some of the kids who fully participate in the
session that morning, so I whipped up a few things and took them along with me.
And when I arrived the school, gosh I nearly broke down at the reception I
received. How many of us remember what it was like at that age in secondary
school to receive visitors that in our heads we aspired to, I teared up at the
outpour of love and warmth that came from those budding young girls, I spoke
like I was going to be paid big bucks for speaking, it was hot and sweaty
and cramped but it was the best 2 hours of my year, some students were naughty
and restless but it only made me smile, my co-speaker was so poised and I learnt
much just hearing her speak and watching her comport herself (of course we
exchanged contacts and promised to be in touch for future speaking engagements),
the principal was beside herself with joy, the corpers were elated that
everything went so well. The students were excited to have such accomplished
women in their midst who answered their questions and took pictures with them,
it was an all round Win for everyone.
When it was time to go, the corper walked
up to me to say thank you and handed over a thin brown envelope and a small bag
containing snacks, water and drinks. I actually said oh you shouldn’t have
bothered (deflection again) he insisted and I mentally slapped myself
and accepted gratefully. In the envelope was N3, 000 and at that point I
realized that I had just ticked off no.3 on my list...no matter how small, It was a start and I know
that there’s no going back now, it only gets better from here!
