8. The Purpose Book

The topic of purpose is one that continues to hold my attention, as I seem to have this unquenching thirst to know more about discovering and living a life of purpose. At first it was just about me wanting to find that elusive calling that would suddenly give my life a focused direction, but as time goes by, I find that I am also interested in seeing that those around me are able to benefit from all I am discovering on this timeless concept.

Why the fixation on purpose? It’s because I believe purpose gives one’s life meaning, direction and value. Like, you can be moving or growing in whatever direction, but if it’s an aimless sort of growth then it really serves no purpose, it becomes a case of vanity upon vanities. There are numerous books to be found on this topic, but this is definitely one worth sharing due to its simplicity, clarity and insight, like I’m blown away. The fact that it uses the bible as its premise I think is also a plus, because a lot of us will be able to relate to the various ideas discussed and hopefully see how we all are part of the Grand plan for this earth.

The content of the book is broken down into 31 different powerful concepts, but I have picked 5 out of that number to elaborate on. Starting with…

1)     The Concept of placement – “ The Lord God planted a Garden toward the east in Eden, and there he placed the man whom he had formed”

Placement refers to the location that has been designed for you to be in, and from that place you will be fruitful and multiply. Your place is your sphere of enthronement, it is the place that you were designed to fit into, just like the garden was Adams natural habitat, your place will be that place where you would find it effortless to be yourself. Unfortunately some people are bent on dominating outside their place, and just like the Lion who is king of the Jungle cannot also be the king of the sea, when you wander from your place, you will struggle and eventually burn out.

There are 3 main areas of placement, these include Ministry, Industry & Society.

·        Ministry – Those placed in ministry are tasked with the responsibility of equipping others for their God given assignments and building them up to do exploits in their own various placements. Ministry is made up of the 5 gifts which Christ gave the church i.e. The Apostles, The Prophets, The Evangelists, The Pastors and The Teachers.

·        Industry – Isaac was a farmer, Daniel was a diplomat (politician), Esther was a Queen, David a shepherd turned King, there are many examples in the bible of persons not in the 5 fold ministry who God used to achieve his plans for Mankind. I’d like to reference one very important scripture here from Exodus 31:1-6. It says… “ Then the lord said to Moses, see I have chosen Bezalel, Son of Uri of the tribe of Judah and I have filled him with wisdom, knowledge and understanding of all kinds of skills to make artistic designs for work, and to engage in all kinds of craft, I have appointed Oholiab of the tribe of Dan to help him. Behold, I have given ability to all the skilled workers to make everything I have commanded of you”.

Many of us often find that we have unique abilities for various crafts, and this is because our cognitive abilities have been wired to positions us to function more effectively in certain career paths than others. Those in industry are usually business owners/entrepreneurs, employees etc. It is however critical to note that they too have a responsibility to the most high in the position he has placed them.

·        Society – Those in society are about service infusion. They live to serve humanity, and have an unusual capacity to take up the cause of others in need around them. To them, other people’s problems are theirs too and will not rest until they have done something about it. They are given to improving the society and reversing the arm of injustice. Many of them serve in Government, run civil societies/organizations, Build strong families, and greatly impact the lives of many. People are usually tempted to avoid this area of placement because it’s not as glamorous or rewarding as industry, but often times some of them work in industry and use the proceeds to fund their work in society.

Now beyond the areas of placement already discussed, there are some very key dimensions that significantly impact your placement. These dimensions are…

o   Geography – This indicates the physical locations that you are meant to occupy and operate in at different stages of your life. The key thing to note here is the fact that you thrive in the place you are meant to be, but sometimes people wander out of their geographic placements chasing greener pastures. Some people stay in their birth place to thrive, others move away to thrive... it all depends on what Gods plan for your life is but when you are in sync with that plan, you will feel at peace and God will bless you in that place.

o   Association – While lot was with Abraham, he prospered. When he departed from Abraham, he went under. There are associations necessary for the fulfilment of your destiny, be deliberate in identifying, acknowledging and maximizing those relationships that ensure you live out the fullness of Gods plan for your life. The bible is filled with many such examples e.g. Elijah & Elisha, Moses & Joshua, Even Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego whom Daniel was critical to their promotion in Life.

o   Function – Paul was an apostle, Daniel was a diplomat, Joseph an administrator, David a King, Abraham a farmer, Oholiab a designer, the list goes on. Clearly, we are all placed in different functional fields that will enable us fulfill the purpose we are meant for.

o   Hierarchy – The passage “you will be the head & not the tail” is one that many interprete to mean you will be the boss and not the assistant, but really when it comes to the plan of God, it is important that you occupy the position prepared for you. Sometimes, that might mean being in a supportive position and not in a leading one. Some people do well as leaders, while others do very well under the guidance of a strong leader and perform poorly when left on their own to lead, there is nothing wrong with playing a supportive role. However if you have been called to lead and you are hiding behind in a supportive role due to fear and other limiting factors, you will also not do as well as you should.

To wrap up this concept of placement, note that there is comfort in your place!

2)      The Concept of Gifts – A gift is an enablement or capacity which allows a person to perform an activity easily and gracefully especially when compared to others doing the same thing.

The same way employees are given tools to perform roles assigned to them, that’s the same way we all have been gifted to fulfill our calls. Just like fish have an innate ability to swim, gifts are pre-installed in every human; and through observation, practice and exposure these gifts can be identified and expressed. A person who can sing, only needs to sing and it becomes obvious to others that they have a capacity which many do not have, while others are so numerate that they can mentally calculate things that others will struggle to calculate even with a calculator. These gifts often position them to walk in certain career paths where those abilities are their strengths, and with that comes rapid movement in their career. Your gift when expressed has the capacity to make others pay rapt attention, and will take you into the presence of greatness. But you must first discover it, develop it and use it to bless/serve others around you. Release your gifts to the world as a blessing – (Major Key).

“The thing to note however is that movement does not always translate to progress, because progress is accomplished only when you are moving in the direction pre-destined for you. Your movement has to be in fulfillment of your call, otherwise you may impress men, but heaven will not be impressed”.

3)     The Concept Of The Call – A call is an assignment that you have been tasked to fulfill for which you have been provided the tools (gifts) to carry out this assignment. This call will take different routes from season to season, but it will remain headed in the same direction. Each person gets a unique experience where the call begins to get clearer and clearer, but first you have to do the internal work to really understand yourself and what pulls you in. You also need to really seek the lord in prayer to help reveal and solidify this call in your life. The answers will come in varied ways as required for each person, some get an outright revelation, others in more subtle ways. The call, however is the big picture that God had in mind for your life i.e. what he wants to achieve through you. So don’t quit searching, in due season it will be revealed to you as long as you remain diligent in your seeking, while fulfilling what is required of you to the best of your ability wherever you currently are.

4)     The concept of Times & Seasons – “To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heavens. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)”. Notice how when a fruit is in season everything co-operates with its growth, the weather, the sun, the water, the harvesters, even the sellers. But before that season it kind of remains hidden and struggles along, but in season it becomes the most popular/desired fruit around. The same reality applies to us when it comes to our assignments, there are seasons and times attached to them. These seasons are…

·        Season of discovery – This phase is a hidden phase because you are seemingly still in obscurity in the field you have been called to lead in. The author makes a profound statement here that “Full discovery is never an event but a process. In other words, it is as if God takes you on a journey to introduce you to yourself”. The season of discovery strengthens your sense of awareness of your call and your relevance in the world.

·        Season of development – David the shepherd boy spent his early years tending his fathers flock and fighting off lions and bears who threatened the sheep in the wilderness. Unknown to him, those were years of preparation for the Goliath he would defeat and the people he would lead and protect. What if he had run away from the Lion and other wild beasts, he would have lost out on the Goliath test that propelled him into recognition as Israel’s potential King.

Preparation/Practice is therefore one key process before success is achieved. This is because the gift inside you usually comes in a form where it is at a low potential, you need to therefore continuously develop it before it grows into full maturity.

·        Season of deployment – For the first 30 years of the life of Jesus, he was literally unknown by the world. Though at the age of 12 he was already beyond discovery and was found in the temple sharing knowledge with the elders, but for another 18 years nothing much was heard of him as he underwent the various experiences he needed to mature. At the age of 30, he was deployed. The season of deployment is one in which the most high publicly announces you to the world. Suddenly the you that people did not know becomes prominent in your field. In this season, the solution that you are shines so bright that people who need what you carry, begin to look for you from all over. This phase is that which everyone desires, but you must realise that there is a PROCESS to getting there.

5)     The concept of the Seven Mountains – This for me was like the Icing on the cake because it was a real shift for me in the way I have viewed my role and what I need to do. Let us begin with a verse from the book of revelation 17: 9-10. “And here is the mind which hath wisdom, the seven heads are seven mountains on which the woman sitteth. And there are seven kings, five are fallen and one is, and the other is not yet come and when he commeth, he must continue a short space”.

The author makes reference here to end time events as predicted by the bible, the seven mountains here symbolize 7 powerhouses that have influenced the kings of the earth and corrupted them. The woman who sits on top of these power houses that influence the Kings is likened to the Culture/Norms/Behaviours that pervade every aspect of life and as such ultimately influence the lives of all. The focus of this concept is the role that we are meant to play in promoting the kingdom of God. There is a whole chapter in the book focused on the concept of the kingdom of God on earth whole sole purpose is the promotion and implementation of Righteousness (Goodness), Peace and Joy. All our combined purposes and calls are directed towards the one objective of establishing the Kingdom of God on earth, and we will do this by promoting Righteousness (Goodness), Peace and Joy in the seven mountains, the seven powerhouses that influence the Kings of the earth. These mountains are…

o   The Media (Strategy is to fill the air with bad news and propaganda)

o   The Government (Strategy is to stablish corruption/oppression as a norm)

o   Education (Strategy is to establish humanism i.e Love of self vs Love of God)

o   Economy (Strategy is to establish money as an idol, love of riches, greed etc.)

o   Arts & Entertainment (Strategy is to establish lifestyle compromise )

o   Religion (Strategy is false doctrine and idolatry)

o   Family (Strategy is to establish rejection and abuse )

Now if you operate in any of these pillars of society and can influence what goes on there, you are operating as a King in that pillar. Your purpose is to use your God given abilities and strengths to positively influence what happens there for goodness, peace and joy. Our whole existence is not just to participate passively, we are to advance and influence because there is a struggle going on. Your desire for the top, and to be the best in your field should not be about self-aggrandizement but it should be about positively influencing your followership and those you have responsibility over to further the God given agenda.

In conclusion of this post, I’d like to just state here again that they are 31 powerful concepts explained in this book, but I have only elaborated on 5 of them. I encourage you all who are seeking more understanding on purpose to get yourself a copy so you can read up on all of them. It will be a worthy investment.

I wish us all the strength & grace to discover purpose in our lives, and to take the right steps in fulfillment of it. Amen!

I hope this was useful🙏, cheers🍸to open minds

You can contact me on aykay80@gmail.com for any enquiries you might have, or just leave a comment and I'll be thrilled to respond.

7. My IWOW experience (Nuggets on creating your own economy and living a life of value)

When you hear an event is at the wheatbaker and see the line up of speakers as shown in the picture, you already have a certain kind of expectation and those were my thoughts as I drove into the venue that morning. I was very early, I think the 1^st attendee to arrive, they were 3 or 4 ladies already in the venue but part of the organizing team, so I had time and space to just take in the ambience on my own before it got busy with the arrival of other attendees. It was breath taking…I mean it, in my experience I had never seen a venue for such a programme look so beautiful...and there was something else, it was in the air, the place had this scent like a garden, filled with flowers and some sort of light burning incense. I kept taking in deep breaths, I did not want to release the air from my lungs.

Eventually I walked to a seat at the back of the room and put down my bag, all the seats at that time were unoccupied but I sat in the back, and as I looked around the room I asked myself why are you seating at the back? At that moment I realized I was a little afraid, can you believe it? You see…I had paid for the Executive ticket which gave an exclusive admittance to a master class session targeted at individuals who wanted to take their businesses or creative ideas to #Mega levels, we were talking CEOs and Leaders in different works of life, and here I was, suddenly thinking. Uhmmm maybe I should have just gotten the regular tickets, this is too grand for me, am I going to be the dumbest person in the room? Bla bla…my mind kept going. So I got up and walked out of the room to the ladies. When I walked back into the room, I marched right up to the front row and put my bag down, because in the rest room I had said to myself what’s the worst that could happen, you’ll watch and you’ll learn, so take a vantage seat and get ready to absorb.

The other attendees started to arrive (See, women are beautiful), allow me to indulge here pls.

The 1^st lady that walked in was very tall and had a certain kind of beauty that in my head I described as firm, she wore an Ankara skirt with a white shirt and had this carriage that made me feel like the Head girl just walked in, she had an expression that seemed to say, I’m here and if there’s a problem I’ll fix it, plus colorful trendy glasses and looked right at home in the lavish set up. As others came in, I allowed myself to look at them unashamedly and just appreciate each one while trying to figure out in my head what they did, I did not approach any of them, but as I sat and watched, a lady came up to me, she said Heloooo, I think I know you, I smiled at her and I stood up to say hello...I had just met my 1^st #IWOW Sister.

The Opening

The session was opened with prayer, followed by dancing (there was an in-house DJ with fantastic sound and light effects). Let’s talk a bit about the dancing, because I think everyone understands why prayer, but dancing not quite so much, some people may even ask what all the singing and dancing was about? so here’s what I think it was about. For me, it was the perfect Ice breaker and loosening up tool. We were at that point, about 30-40 women in the room who were probably just meeting each other for the 1^st time, we all came from different backgrounds and had different priorities, but one thing we all had in common was our ability to move our bodies, When the music came on, one by one we started to move, the bolder ones pulled the shy ones in, and before we knew it we were in a line up dancing around the room, suddenly the atmosphere in the room had gone from one of expectant silence to familiar laughter, and as we watched each other move, we smiled and held hands and clapped and teased, by the time we got back to our seats, the chatter in the room had to be quietened by the anchor lady.

Major Learnings & Aha! Moments

I could tell a story about each speaker but then this might become too long, so im just going to share highlights from my notes. By the way I wrote until I finished the ink from 2 pens and nearly filled up my summit notebook. Not just about the things being discussed, but also about all the ideas and thoughts that flowed to me due to the level of inspiration in the room. It was that rich! So, here we go…

DAY ONE

·    Pursue what you have an interest in and enjoy doing, as this will act as a sustaining factor when times are tough, don’t jump into what seems to be the trend because eventually you will fall way behind those who have the passion/enjoyment factor driving them on.

·    Be clear about your values, in essence what you would do and wouldn’t do, write them down so that they act as a guide when controversial situations come up. Failure to do this might have you compromising yourself and diluting the essence of your brand, in a bid to make progress under desperate circumstances.

·    Who are your influencers and who are your friends? What kind of counsel do you receive? What you let into your environment is essential to your growth, so be conscious of who you surround yourself with and what you learn/unconsciously pick up from them.

·    Hope is not a strategy. We need to move from hoping/wishing/thinking to documenting our strategy, stating clear milestones that can be used to measure our progress. After you’ve documented this, keep a circle of accountability – people who will help you keep your eye on the ball, gently nudge you back in line when you seem to be going off, and encourage you when your strength seems to wan.

·    Seeing success in others should not intimidate you or make you feel envy, it should inspire you. Intimidation keeps you in a place of grumbling, while inspiration moves you into a place of action. Appreciate the milestones others have made and celebrate them, you cannot attract what you do not celebrate.

·   There is a new consciousness on doing great creative things, The New is right where you are. Work with what you have in your hands, do it from wherever you are, quit waiting for the right place, the right connect, the right amount, start with what you have, wherever you are.

·   Take stock of who you are. What are your strengths? Your values? Why are you doing what you do? and what is your definition of success? Give this deep thought, write them down and be deliberate in fulfilling what you know to be your personal vision. If you never had one, then try creating one using the guide questions above.

·    Never be ashamed or modest with your history & where you’re coming from, use it instead as a bridge to connect to others, enhance your experience and build an even better you.

·    You don’t necessarily need to own a business yourself to give value, you can work for others and still be a person of great value with unique skills that the organization appreciates and recognizes. You only need to clarify what value you give and do it from a place of intention and skilled purpose.

·    Be clear about who your target audience/customer is, else you run the risk of expending energy and resources chasing everyone and everything. You may be selling, but hardly growing, so check your margins and be certain you’re expending energy in the right place.

·    Never underestimate the power of association and endorsement from the right people, become pro-active about getting the right people see your work, use your work and re-commend your work. You must have contact with those who are able to take you where you envision.

·    The media is a powerful tool to help you grow and reach corners far out of your reach, if you tap into it and use it correctly. Be deliberate about what you put out there about yourself and your business.

·    Sign up for forumns that will empower you, don’t wait for your organization to train you, seek out programmes that will grow you mentally and financially. Attend!

·    Ladies, we need to stop tearing each other down and just appreciate each other. To quote one of the attendees. “It’s time to stop wondering if she’s wearing a body shaper and just appreciate how good she looks in the body shaper, it’s time to stop gossiping about her cheating husband and appreciate her strength and growth inspite of it all”.

·    The purpose of your enterprise should never be just about you and all the nice things you stand to gain (e.g. cars, houses, bags, etc.) Always think of how you are giving back to the society and how you are creating value that has ripple effects in contributing to the lives of others, e.g. your staff, your clients, your vendors etc.). This higher vision will create everything else. See your vision as a tool in helping others succeed.

·    Have a global outlook and benchmark your business or Ideas using Global standards.

·   You don’t have to do everything yourself, collaboration is very important, when you know yourself and your strengths, harness the strengths of others to fulfill other parts where you’re not so strong. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s one of the greatest strategies of life.

·    Sometimes life knocks you down to prepare you or direct you along a certain path, don’t stay down, use your pain to grow and build. Challenges are a constant in life, what you do with it however is what sets you apart from the victims.

·   Whether glass ceiling, bamboo ceiling, whatever ceiling, when you shatter or break through it, you emerge with cuts and bruises, and while that may have been necessary for a time, the best bet now is to remove the ceiling both mentally and otherwise so that others can pass through unscathed. This you will do by ensuring that women are represented when decisions are being taken, and not shy away from those tough situations. Speak up and speak out!

DAY TWO

·    Ceilings are mental concepts and exist in different spheres of life, there are culture ceilings, there are age ceilings, there are race ceilings and there are religious ceilings. The thing about ceilings however is that all those who ever transcended them, decided to overlook their existence and push on in spite of them.

·    We all have different destinations (priorities) in this life, so why focus on what someone else is doing, run your own race and focus on your own journey. You might want what they have but you don’t know their struggle.

·    You need to recognize your hours of intense strength and inspiration, (those moments when ideas flow freely and you execute flawlessly) Use those hours consciously, and don’t fritter away those times. (Mine is early in the morning – I feel a certain level of spirituality in the mornings, my strength is high and it’s quiet so I can really go into my mind.)

·    Fear is a normal phenomenon of life, so you can feel the fear… but don’t let it stop you. More importantly, when your purpose/reason is compelling enough it will overshadow whatever fears you have, because your focus will be to achieve that purpose inspite of any challenges that come your way. Therefore, clarify your purpose, as it will be an added source of strength on those stormy days. Think, yes im afraid, but what can I do to move from a place of fear to a place of empowerment.

·    We fear what we do not understand and we are impatient with what we do not want to occur in our lives. The next time something or someone repels you, ask your self in what ways has this harmed/affected me, and in what ways have I harmed/affected others like this. Maybe then we can begin to listen/look beyond our irritation and really see the situation for what it is, with empathy.

·    Crisis wakes you up from your comfort zone, embrace it and grow

·    Try not to play the sexuality game.

·    Any economy/situation is driven by the amount of faith you have in that economy/situation, if you don’t have faith in it, you don’t believe in it and you don’t commit to it. At the slightest sign of trouble you bolt, and if everyone bolts at the sign of trouble who then stays to make things work.

·    We all need to go back to our different spaces or spheres of influence and begin to work on improving the position of all with whatever abilities we have. Public wealth enriches all. Individual wealth impoverishes everyone.

·   When your life is all about you, Joy is difficult. Ask yourself, how can I align my personality/business/strengths to the biggest questions the world is asking.

·    Focus is good, but it’s good to know other things as well, so you can converse and have a bridge in connecting with others outside your comfort zone. Therefore, educate yourself, not only on the things you like, but on relevant happenings around you, and your world in general.

·    Don’t be friends with only those who tell you all the time how awesome you are, have those who tell you the good, bad and ugly. They keep you grounded and help you grow.

·    She…who do she, She…do she! Meaning a person is the 1^st beneficiary of whatever poisen, ill will, envy, negativity, malice that they dish out to others. So if you’re busy condemning and plotting against others, you can be certain you’ll receive same in full measure, pressed down and shaken over. Basically whatever you do to others will come back to you.

·   The 1^st rule of influencing others is in giving value to them. Once your value is proven, they are more readily willing to accept your input on things.

·    Cultivate the people sitting next to you, they may be the girl next door right now but are in essence tomorrows CEOs, Ministers, MDs and Moguls. The focus is too much at the top, and those people barely have any time and too many clashing priorities.

The Shock Factors (Controversial discussions of the summit)

·   The ultimate shock factor came from one of the female speakers in the summit because she dared to venture into topics that we ladies typically shy away from or pray away from. Topics like divorce, sex, adultery, sex toys, corporate battles, Revenge, God being a He-She, the joy of taking a lover and male emasculation. There was a plot to all this, it wasn’t just random but I’d not go into the details. What I’d like to go into however is the mixed reaction in the room. While some ladies stood up and clapped to cheer her on as she spoke, some ladies walked out of the room in either shock, anger or embarrassment, a few others sat calmly and listened. I observed the 3 groups almost like I wasn’t quite there myself. It was a strange feeling, I heard everything she said but when the reactions started, I found myself watching the faces of those around me and trying to understand what was happening inside them at that moment. I kept wondering even as I watched, what side am I on? I never really figured it out, what I noticed however was my pen flying across the pages of my notebook, I had recorded my entire experience of that moment, plus that of a few people I intensely observed. I could feel each of their perspectives and all felt justified in their own right. In that moment I connected with them all, the speaker and the 3 different perspectives in the room, maybe there was a 4^th , maybe there were others absorbing like me, I learnt something about myself in that moment.

·   The next shock factor came from a young male speaker who talked about his deliberate abstinence from Social Media during the Lent season. While not condemning social media, he made it very clear that social media seems to be becoming more of a curse than a blessing to those who use it carelessly (majority of this generation). A particular statement of his really struck a chord with me, he said “There is a rush to declare victory even when still in the process. We are so caught up with letting other people know how far we’ve come, that we cut short the process of fully becoming”

“The urge to impress others has begun to truncate our own growth, this constant cycle of seeing what others have done is becoming poisonous to our souls, people don’t want to undergo the process of growth anymore, they just want to show. #PepperDemGang

·    The 3^rd shock factor came from the Ex-Governor who at the beginning of his speech challenged all who were in the room to move into politics, because the change we expect for this country will never come if we continue to stay out of the affairs of this nation. He likened it to expecting things to change when Lunatics have been left to run the asylum. He said “The issue isn’t that there are no people to do the jobs that need to be done, the issue is that you the best people have left the best jobs for the worst people, all because you don’t want to get your hands dirty. “Don’t talk about creating your own economy until you change the status quo of this nation”. You can’t imagine the buzz in the room as he spoke sharing real life experience from his tenure as Governor, challenging us normal citizens to begin to take steps to move into the decision making positions, v.s sitting on the outside bickering about how the country is being run.

·    The last shock factor I’d like to write about was from the “catalyst” who asked us to envision our future and picture our death and eulogy. The idea behind this was to walk from the end back, and note down all the things we’d like to be remembered for, while taking conscious steps starting now to live lives that would be worth remembering and would count for something. There were few whispers under the breath of, how can I picture my death? God forbid etc. His message however was that death is inevitable, the sooner we accept and begin to make every waking day count for something meaningful, the better for us and the world at large.

Now I know a lot of what I’ve shared here is probably not new to some of us, but remember this is just a summary of all the giving and receiving that was happening in the summit. You cannot put into a quote the feeling of complete trust and love in the hug of a person who few hours ago was a stranger to you, or even the tears of women in the room who empathized with a sharing sister. You cannot capture the gratitude in the heart of one, who a stranger suddenly offers to help set up their business in a location they only dreamed about, or the wonder of an isolated woman sitting by herself being approached by another whose intention is to connect in a meaningful lasting way. The truth is, these kinds of sessions are mostly impactful to those who are open to it, but I certainly hope that I’ve been able to at least give you a few thoughts to ponder on, which either in the short or long term will be beneficial to your growth as an individual and as a business.

My gratitude goes out to the founder IWOW Mrs Udo Okonjo -The Queen's daughter herself (inside joke). A queen by all standards, a brave woman, an innovator and a mentor to many. Also to Mrs Winifred Ajakpovi (One of the organizing members) an ex colleague, a friend and sister to me, who sent me the invitation for the summit. What your team put together was powerful and will stay with me for a long...long time.

I will not leave out my summit sisters, Fatima of Frontida (The elite concierge outfit), Ziba by Anne Ekwueme (For the woman who understands royalty), Cornelia (Of coronation Bank who coaches troubled women ), Shirley hills (The compere and upcoming mistress of ceremonies). You ladies made my experience soooo rich...Thank you for being open.

You can contact me on aykay80@gmail.com for any enquiries you might have, or just leave a comment and I'll be thrilled to respond.

6. The Power Of Receiving

Hmmmmm…..I really needed to start this post with a long drawn out breath, you know the type you take when you’re about to give serious gist…exactly that type, and for good reason too as you’ll soon find out.

I haven’t posted in a while but wow! am I glad to be sharing this particular book now, because in my opinion, it’s an amazing guide to help shape your year early enough.

Like the title depicts, it’s about receiving and that’s supposed to be a simple thing right? Like common, who doesn’t know how to receive and who doesn’t like to receive? My dears you’re about to understand this word in a whole new context so pleeeaaase… PAY ATTENTION!

“The world will give you only as much as you can RECEIVE and only what you are ready to take in”

I’ve seen the above quote or versions of it before but never really gave it much thought, in my opinion I was ready to receive all the things I ever dreamed about, why would I want it if I can’t receive it, is there such a thing as not being able to receive what you want? What do we even mean by “Receiving”?

Receiving as defined by this book means – To willingly accept or to be in receptive states that enhance your ability to take in.

Basically the act of receiving is not limited only to “HAVING” things we can see and touch, it also has to do with FEELING, ALLOWING, BEING, YIELDING, LISTENING, WATCHING, APPRECIATING, GROWING, INCLUDING, ACKNOWLEDGING, RELAXING, ATTRACTING,WELCOMING, OPENING, HEARING, ACCEPTING, LETTING BE(These words are deliberate, so let them sink in).

All this might seem a bit confusing, but in a little while as you read on, we’ll all be on the same page.

In order to fully understand receiving, let’s talk about giving for a little bit. Using the example of a butterfly and a flower, who in this context is the giver and who is the receiver? The butterfly perches on the flower bush and takes its pollen and spreads it around, the flower stays put and waits for butterflies to come to it, it appears the flower bush is the one doing all the giving right? However picture this…One day a group of flower bushes sat in a field soaking up the beautiful sun, anticipating the visit of the butterflies while joking about how greedy the butterflies were… they just take & take they said, and in a little while the butterflies showed up and perched on all but one, and when they had their fill, in their pretty colours they swarmed away to another set of flowers further down the road. The next day, same repeated itself, and the next day too, soon all the other flowers began to look at that one unperched flower in pity ahhh there must be something wrong with it they said, even the butterflies don’t take from it. Suddenly the dynamics had changed, and the flower bushes felt grateful to the butterflies who came to take their pollen. (There’s more to the story but I’ll stop there cos I think you get the idea)

To use a more realistic example, Imagine you threw a big lavish party and invited your friends to come, you spent the whole day, cleaning, decorating, getting stuff set, got gifts for everyone, hired an awesome band to play and everyone showed up and had an awesome time. How would you feel? V.S you did all that and only a scanty number showed up? To an onlooker the host seems to have done all the giving, and the attendees the receiving, the host might even think, everyone came and had all this fun at my expense and no one thought to bring me a gift…forgetting that there wouldn’t be a party if no one showed up. Is it beginning to get clearer now? There’s more than one way to look at the act of giving, and it mustn’t always be measured on your own terms.

At this point I’d like to make reference to a quote from another great book I read which says “You should give to your neighbor with your being, your nature, and not necessarily always with money, goods or praise…for then, those without means or eloquence would be excluded from the possibility of giving”

Back to the book…the author says she studied how people chased away what other people tried to give to them because it wasn’t exactly in the shape or form they expected, and she looked at the cultural underpinnings that supported a life philosophy that puts a “halo” around giving while ignoring receiving and the various ways we receive.

It is easy to make the mistake of thinking that something happens because we alone make it happen, we view our own actions as the only measuring stick ... or that things have to happen only the way we envision it happening. The power of receiving promotes a philosophy that values receiving as much as giving, and hopes to teach the various ways we can receive from life in the fullest and most complimentary ways. Keep an Open mind.

So ….

Do you know how to receive?

 A man and his family were trapped in a flood and as they huddled together on the roof of their house he prayed to God for help…soon someone comes by in a rowboat and says climb in but he responds no need, go help someone else as I’ve prayed to God for help, later a helicopter comes by but still he responds that’s okay, go along as I’ve prayed to God and he will save us. The waters rise and he and his family drown, shocked the man complains to God, I served you faithfully, why didn’t you help me, God replies, I sent you a boat and a helicopter but you turned them away.

Do you know what you want?

“If you want something, you need to be clear about it and be willing to initiate or accept activities that will give you your desire. However, if you are unclear, and if you never pause to watch the results and to assess what you have set in motion, you will miss information/clues that will help you.”

How can we become better receivers?

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  Receive everything – Decide Later : This means receive all the data from your environment including the inner environment of your feelings, process it in good faith, and then decide what you want to do with it, before acting. Often, the only reason we don’t fully understand circumstances, people or events is because we never really received them to begin with. We only accept what we want, we pay attention to what we want to hear instead of what is being said, we see only what we want to see, instead of everything that is being shown to us. The more data you receive, the more likely you will make appropriate choices. Conversely, people who don’t receive are often flying blind i.e. making decisions without all of the relevant data. Sometimes we block information that is coming in for a myriad of reasons. Quit blocking, take it in and process in good faith.
  

  
  

• If I accept the gift, do I owe the giver? : Have you ever felt that you will have to do something you don’t want just because you accepted a gift or help? Sometimes we worry that receiving will create an obligation, but there are times when it is not possible to return a favour so don’t sweat it, just pass it on, others say pay it forward, you can pass on the kindness to someone other than the one who performed a good deed for you. Also, showing gratitude is a form of giving back, when someone shows gratitude for a good deed done, the feeling is very different from someone who shows no gratitude. With someone who only takes, the energy just goes out and goes out and doesn’t come back, but with the receiver, the energy comes back to the giver and inspires them to do more. I’m sure we all must have at some point experienced the joy of receiving gratitude in a way that makes you just want to keep on giving. For e.g., the joy of a teacher who sees the student excel, the joy of a mother who sees her child grow or the joy of an artist who feeds off the excitement of the audience.
  
  

• Write down your goals: Your goal is simply what you want to receive/achieve, once you write it down you have begun a relationship. Pls do not write down too many at a time so you can focus. 1 goal would be a great way to start, and then you can consolidate on that one goal and focus on taking it from inception to completion before moving onto others. There will be many sub notes that will follow from this one goal, so don’t give yourself too much at a time so as to have sufficient energy to focus, dig deep and reap from it. In writing this goal, pls be simple, be specific, do not ramble or lose direction and make it measurable so you know if you’re making progress or not. E.g. My goal: I want to blog about 1 book per month, while creating/accepting opportunities to speak about it in that same month. Now that you have written it down, next….
  
  
  
  
  
  


• Practice the 3 steps
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  • Accept all compliments – Don’t turn away the simple/little things life wants to give you as it’s been proven that a huge connection exists between your willingness to receive even the simplest things in life and what you actually get. E.g. someone says “I love what you’re wearing it looks great on you” don’t say, this old thing, I got it for N1k only and pls don’t point out the stain on it. Someone holds the door for you and you say oh don’t bother.  Remember, to receive is to willingly accept and when you do not, people notice. A lack of acceptance and acknowledgement sends out the message that we do not want to be given to, and life co-operates by giving less and less. Life is constantly giving, be observant and you will be amazed at the various ways you constantly receive. Receiving takes practice, and if you start with the smaller things, you will soon graduate to the bigger ones. Learn to accept and say thank you, don’t deflect the little things.
    
    
  
  
  • Count your blessings & Be grateful – When you tell someone you are grateful for something they have done for you, you are not only giving them the gift of your enjoyment, your gratitude is likely to inspire them to give again. Whether you are grateful for breakfast, or the beautiful trees outside, or health, or wealth, your brain just registers gratefulness, don’t decide that you should be more grateful for wealth than you should be for health, everything plays so count your blessings, quit comparing and complain less. The more grateful you become, the more opportunities for gratitude you’ll receive from life. Starting a gratitude journal could be an awesome way to focus on all the things you are grateful for, for e.g. at the end of each day put down at least 5 things you are grateful for (Getting home safe, roof over your head, light at home, food to eat, life itself). If daily is too much, you could start with weekly.
    
    
  
  
  • Be spiritually naked (Be authentic) - To be spiritually naked is to be self-revealing, it means that you don’t only show the good, healed and healthy parts of your personality when you are with people, it’s okay to be vulnerable. The reason for this is that if you embrace your wholeness, others will also. When we are open and honest about all of who we are it is easier to make real connections that stand the test of time. Hiding who we are inhibits both giving and receiving , think about it… how can someone really be there for you if they do not know what’s going on and how will you know what you can do for someone who refuses to share what their challenges are? Once you are comfortable being genuine, you seek out and attract others who are as well…so expand your capacity to receive by embracing the fullness of who you really are while recognizing the various ways others give to you with the fullness of who they truly are.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    “Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don’t accept others the way they are”
    
    
    
    
    So what can we do to change this?
  
  
  
  


• Try a complaint Fast: Are you one of those who’s always talking about what’s not working, who did not do what, what you are not getting, and how unfair life is? Well, life is listening to you, and if you were life, what will your reaction to such a person be?
  
  
   How about changing your perspective for a little bit and I mean genuinely changing your perspective not just paying lip service. Trying to see the lesson in situations, trying to milk the good parts, trying to see yourself as the solution, playing your own part to salvage a situation vs throwing your hands up in despair.
  
  
  The thing is …complaints push away things rather than draw things towards you, complaints discharge negative energy without changing anything. Expressing your feelings is different from complaining. Complaining focuses on what the other person isn’t doing, what you aren’t getting, basically indicating that the problem is with them or the situation and you are a victim. Expressing your feelings states how you feel about a situation but also suggests what can be done about it. E.g. someone says “You are so wicked, you’ve never helped me out in any way despite all I do for you” V.S “I’d like it if you helped by doing so and so…is there something that makes you unable to” you can imagine which statement is likely to get more results or at least give room for a beneficial conversation.
  
  
  
  
  
  


• Ask for what you want: Not asking for what you want could be interpreted to mean your not knowing what you want, your not wanting anything at all, your inability to include yourself in the scheme of things or even that others deserve it more than you do. If someone asks you what you want, do you speak in vague concepts or get fuzzy about what you want, if so…you need to clear your head and openly ask for what you want. And once you have asked, be open to receive in the various ways that we had earlier listed. Sometimes you may not get what you want, it may be that you need to sit with the disappointment of not getting what you want and take something out of it, but know this…Life is always giving, and sometimes it could be feedback that you’re not quite ready. More often than not, you will get what you want as long as you are open to receiving, it might not be on the scale you dreamed and sometimes that causes us to deflect what we receive, but if you are patient and willing to grow in it, you’ll get what you want, just don’t expect to go from 0-100 in a second without practice. Cinderella’s only wish was to go to the ball, but we all know the chain of events sparked from that one simple wish.
  
  
  
  
  
  


• Spread the love: There’s a song/bible verse that goes like this “ Give and it will come back to you…full measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, give and it will come back to you cos when you give you give to the lord” Need I say more?
  
  

At this point I’d like to share with you all my own little miracle that occurred from applying the principles of this book.

Exactly 6 days ago, I was reading this book and responding to some of the exercises which the book advices readers to carry out.

On the exercise of writing down your goal I wrote: I want to blog about at least 1 book per month, while creating/accepting opportunities to speak about it in that same month.

On the exercise of writing down what you want your goal to deliver to you I wrote: a) I want to be invited to speak about topics discussed in my blog posts. b) I want to receive recognition for my blog c) I want to earn from my blog.

All these were written on Sunday evening, by Monday I went to work and tried really hard to apply some of the principles from the book, e.g. accept compliments, and say thank you, don’t deflect, accept and reflect on it, don’t complain, be grateful, be authentic, be true to yourself, be part of the solution etc. handful but I tried anyway.

On Tuesday, 2 youth corpers who work in my office walked in with a request just as I was about to step out for a meeting, the thing is one of them had come to me just few weeks back asking for a small donation for a project they were working on for their CDS group and I had obliged him. Seeing him again that morning, my initial impulse was to ask them to come back when I was back from my meeting but I decided to give them a listen and not deflect, and then the lady corper with him began to speak. She said they wanted to do something to mark the International Women’s Day in a secondary school and wanted role model women in the society with a strong message to share to help them speak to the senior students (especially the girls) of the school, on the need to live purposeful lives, to recognize their strengths instead of being ashamed, to embrace their womanhood and use it for the enhancement of society at large, to not be afraid to chase their dreams and excel in their chosen careers and that they thought I was perfect for the role and asked that I do them the favour of accepting as this was coming up on Thursday (2 days’ time). I was quiet for what seemed like a long time, so many things ran through my head in those few seconds, it was too short notice, this was not exactly the kind of speaking forum I had in mind, omg! Wasn’t this what I sort of asked for? But corpers will not pay me to speak…but then I remembered you don’t go from 0-100 in seconds, you start somewhere, and so I smiled and I accepted, I cleared my schedule for Thursday morning and begun to prepare like I was going to speak at a conference.

On Wednesday I received the official invitation from them in my mail box and saw that I was going to be speaking together with another Lady. Curious me, I immediately checked out the profile of my co-speaker and stood up from my chair to do a little dance when I saw that the lady in question was the general manager of a radio co-operation. At this point I was already connecting the dots to the list I had written down on Sunday barely 3 days ago.

On Thursday morning, I decided why don’t I take some gifts along with me to give to some of the kids who fully participate in the session that morning, so I whipped up a few things and took them along with me. And when I arrived the school, gosh I nearly broke down at the reception I received. How many of us remember what it was like at that age in secondary school to receive visitors that in our heads we aspired to, I teared up at the outpour of love and warmth that came from those budding young girls, I spoke like I was going to be paid big bucks for speaking, it was hot and sweaty and cramped but it was the best 2 hours of my year, some students were naughty and restless but it only made me smile, my co-speaker was so poised and I learnt much just hearing her speak and watching her comport herself (of course we exchanged contacts and promised to be in touch for future speaking engagements), the principal was beside herself with joy, the corpers were elated that everything went so well. The students were excited to have such accomplished women in their midst who answered their questions and took pictures with them, it was an all round Win for everyone.

When it was time to go, the corper walked up to me to say thank you and handed over a thin brown envelope and a small bag containing snacks, water and drinks. I actually said oh you shouldn’t have bothered (deflection again) he insisted and I mentally slapped myself and accepted gratefully. In the envelope was N3, 000 and at that point I realized that I had just ticked off no.3 on my list...no matter how small, It was a start and I know that there’s no going back now, it only gets better from here!

The book gives lots of other great real life examples, so if you wish to know more, you could check it out for yourself.

I hope this was useful🙏...Cheers🍸 to open minds!

You can contact me on aykay80@gmail.com for any enquiries you might have, or just leave a comment and I'll be thrilled to respond.