10. Talent Is Never Enough

“The toughest thing about success is that you’ve got to keep on being a success. Talent is only a starting point. You’ve got to keep working that talent”

I first read the book “Talent is never enough” over 3 years ago, at a time when I was faced with a very tough decision concerning a career change. The book was given to me by my Husband and I remember him teasing me then that I read the book like I was studying for exams i.e. complete with notebook and pen to take notes and do assignments. It was a turning point book for me, and I like to say it was my first real introduction to the concept of purpose. What it did for me then was help me clarify my interests, and the aspects of my development that would keep me energetic and excited about my career. In addition to that, it provided a blue print of some sort for protecting and growing that career choice.

Now, years later I find that this book is still a page turner and the lessons in it are as relevant today as they were then and probably for all times.

The Author shares 13 timeless concepts on what makes an individual a “Talent Plus” person, because Talent alone is only a starting point. You need much more than Talent to make any sort of lasting impact, and to position yourself in the lists of those to be remembered or looked out for in any given field. I will be sharing 7 of those concepts in this post, hoping that you take enough out of it to begin your own "Talent plus" journey, or that it sparks enough of an interest in you to want to find out more/own a copy for yourself. I am certain that this will not be my last read of the book, as I have found that with more life experiences, certain chapters take on more significant meaning.

But 1^st things 1^st, let’s get one thing straight, everyone is talented or gifted in one way or another. You have to believe that, and need to have done the homework to even realise where your own strengths lay. That is the ground work required for the underlisted concepts from this book. (To know more about your talents or gifts, read my earlier blog post on “The great work of your life” or “The Purpose book”)

So, here goes…my top 7 concepts for becoming a "Talent plus" person.

1.      PASSION Energizes your talent

Of course I had to start with passion. But what does passion even mean? A strong desire, enthusiasm, excitement, great interest, or intense love for something. One popular question that is said to be used in determining passion is “What is that activity that if you were asked to do for the rest of your life without pay, you would be happy to”? In other words, you consider the activity on its own sufficient pay or enjoyment for the time you invest in it.

This is how passion plays out in our talents, it gives the enjoyment factor to whatever you’re engaged in and as such keeps you energized even when the going is tough. Passion also causes people to pay attention to you, because your evident enjoyment and creativity shines through. Your enthusiasm in those activities of interest can also become contagious and spread to those around you, creating inspiration for others. Therefore, try prioritizing your life according to your passions and watch your energy levels go up. Often we spend most of our time in activities we neither have the talent nor passion for, thus creating a very dull and low energy life for ourselves. The power to change this lies with us and the choices we make, choose to prioritise those passions and create avenues for them to become livelihood and a source of positive impact for the world at large.

2.      FOCUS Directs your talent

In this Era of constant distractions from a million tools and activities, the majority of us are in dire need of focus. Also, in this age of creativity and entrepreneurship, everyone is either creating something, or selling something, making us want to create or sell ours. The temptation to combine all these different hats can cause one to lose focus on the really important priorities because we don’t want to be seen as the slackers or the ones who have no ideas to push. So again, back to your passion and priorities, having identified them, you need to focus on them and not let all the noise from the environment distract you. Concentrate on sharpening your skills in those areas, don’t dissipate your energy on a million different things, hoping that one of them becomes a hit. As you concentrate your efforts on those priorities, you begin to pull from a deep well that you otherwise might have only scratched the surface, and this is where genius begins. The more you focus, the deeper your skills, the greater your insight and the more profound your creations. Stay focused on your priority goals, also stay focused on your strengths not your weaknesses...yes develop your strengths, but moderate your weaknesses so they don't ruin your strengths.

3.      PREPARATION/PRACTICE Positions your talent

The concept of preparation/practice is one that cannot be over emphasized, sometimes we like to think that good luck or opportunity will meet us wherever it finds us, but the truth is, opportunity can sometimes meet you and find you unready for what it has in store for you. It’s all good for us to have dreams of how far we want to go with our gifts, but you must first start somewhere. A few of us are not enthusiastic about the idea of working for others or doing free trials in the beginning, but the truth is sometimes the skills and lessons you pick up from those experiences are invaluable. No one becomes a star overnight, you can actually develop yourself by learning from others or working for others as part of your preparatory activities. Also, what tools or accessories do you need to be able to perform optimally in your chosen field? Are you investing in those, are you learning all that you can about that field? These actions may seem like work in the beginning but will pay off in the long run. Take good time to sharpen your craft as the rewards are bound to come in, in due course.

4.      PERSEVERENCE Sustains your talent

Perseverance, Grit, Staying Power, Endurance, etc. are all terms to signify one’s ability to keep going even in the face of adversity. As we all know, life is never completely rosy, there will be times that will take a toll on us either physically, mentally or emotionally. Our response to those times, and our ability to keep going despite such times often determine our eventual success or decline. Im sure we’ve all heard of, or known of individuals who despite several hardships turned out to be huge successes, or some individuals who we had great hopes for but somehow faded out because they just did not have what it took to keep going in the face of difficulties. Some people settle for less when they become disillusioned that things aren’t going according to plan. We have to develop a high level of resilience to be able to forge ahead during such times, its okay to be down but don’t stay there, pick yourself back up and keep going.

5.      CHARACTER protects your talent

Many people with talent make it into the limelight, but the ones who have neglected to develop strong character rarely stay there long. This is because some talented people are sometimes tempted to take shortcuts, and when they get found out, it destroys everything they spent time building. The character of an individual reflects their core values, their level of integrity and the amount of self-discipline they possess. You can spend a lot of time building your reputation but one mistake or misplay has the potential to destroy a lifetime of stellar performance. Therefore in all you do, be sure to protect your character by maintaining a good reputation and living a life based on integrity. Easier said than done I know, but well worth it. Bottom line, “Do the right thing” or it might just come back to haunt you when you least expect it.

6.      RELATIONSHIPS Influence your talent

Nothing influences talent as much as the important relationships in your life. Surround yourself with people who contribute to your talent one way or the other. If you spend time with people who are going in a completely opposite direction from yourself, they become like a clog in your wheels and slow down your growth. Sometimes the people you surround yourself with serve as inspiration to lift you to greater heights, even without actively contributing to your own talent. Truth is some relationships take from us and drain us, while some relationships add to us and serve to grow us. Be conscious of the relationships you’re forming and how they impact your life and your future. You too can also be a source of inspiration for someone else, so don’t always be on the lookout for relationships to take from, also have relationships where you give of yourself or help to grow others too.

7.      TEAMWORK Multiplies your talent

This was probably the biggest lesson for me, not because I don’t know what teamwork is but because I just like to do things on my own. I am one fiercely independent individual who likes to take charge of stuff and see them through. But really we cannot do everything on our own, you can try, you’ll do some very well but others will suffer. Really nothing expands talent faster than teamwork, so begin to see the strengths in others around you and learn to give off some of the load to others to carry for you. It serves to develop others, while also taking some pressure of you. In the award winning movie Rocky, the boxer describes his relationship with his girlfriend saying “I’ve got gaps, she’s got gaps, but together we’ve got no gaps”. What a wonderful description of teamwork. It doesn’t matter how talented you may be, you have gaps! There are things you don’t do well, and the best way to handle your weaknesses is to partner with others who have strengths in those areas. If you want to do something really big…You need a team!

Sooo….these are my top 7 concepts from the book “Talent is never enough”, hope you found them useful. I sure did. The application of these concepts 3 years ago, set me on my current path and protected me from a huge career blunder. If you can get a hold of the book, pls do so, in order to learn of all the other concepts that make you a “Talent plus” individual.

Cheers to open minds!

9. Go Inside & Create!

About a month ago while I was on my way home from work, it occurred to me that I did not feel the usual relief as I got into the car to head home, instead I felt very unsettled. It had been a very busy day, but the ride home is often a calming experience for me as usually I’d read a book, listen to music or just stare out of the window playing “Guess their story” with the faces of strangers in the cars next to me. That day however, none of that gave me the calm I was hoping to feel. I felt very scattered, my thoughts were all over the place, and my mind refused to settle on any 1 thing.

After a while, I realized there were so many different thoughts struggling for my attention at the same time, and I was trying to attend to them all, at the same time!

First was work -  what had happened in my day, what could I have done differently and what may have yielded better results?

Next was the kids - was there something I was supposed to have gotten them that I had forgotten?

What was even for dinner that day, would hubby like it or would he prefer something else?

It had been a while since I heard from one of my friends, what was up with her? Was she okay?

I had not bought any new books in a while, blog post nko?

My head started to ache, not because the thoughts were too much for me to deal with, but because something at the back of my head was screaming at me saying, “You have this same thoughts almost every day, WHAT IS NEW???

What Is New???!!!

 It hit me then, nothing was new 😮. 

I had been going round in the same thought cycles for a while and my mind was craving something different, a new experience, a new knowledge, a new action, a new feeling. But what could this new feeling be? My thoughts were still running after each other at this point, but something was at least becoming clearer.

I needed a new experience, one that would help me regain my calm and feel less frantic, one that would connect me back to ME, and not focus only on all that was happening around me.  An experience that would have me come out from it, feeling refreshed and eager again.

Tall order, but the answer came almost immediately, I needed silence, complete silence!

My first interpretation of this was that I needed to get home quickly, lock myself inside my room for a while and just calm down, as I often do after a really tough day, but when I got home and into my room I knew this wasn’t the new experience I was looking for. Between the girls running into my room and the thought of hubby getting home soon, I could only get like 15 minutes of silence if I was lucky.

The more I thought about Silence, the more I pictured myself sitting quietly somewhere out in nature, just watching all the inartificial life happen around me, lost inside all of that realness but feeling very alive. I wanted silence but not stillness, I wanted beauty but not decor, I wanted sound but not speech, I wanted cool breeze but not cold air.

Now where to find all this without having to travel and still be all by myself. I picked up my phone to call my friend, a concierge who knew a lot about everything in Lagos, and she gave me the perfect venue.

Fast forward to about a week later, I found myself somewhere in the heart of Lagos with everything I had hoped for, plus a chapel in the case that I wanted to pray, in addition to the experience of being out in nature. Unbelievable!

I started by walking around the beautiful grounds just to calm my mind a bit, then I sat down for a really long while, literally looking at the trees, flowers, birds and listening to the wind blow. It was so…so quiet, I could not imagine I was still in Lagos. It felt surreal.

But something was happening to me as I sat there, I started to reminisce on times in my life when I had felt or come close to the feeling I was currently having. It was like my mind opened up, and I could see pictures in detail from my child hood and even my youth. I could hear my own voice as a child, the things that made me so happy and the things that made me cry. As I pictured these distant memories, I started to cry, I stood up again at that point and walked around the grounds some more.

In between breaths, I gave thanks, over and over again, for everything, everything single thing, the good, the not so good, the crazy, the scary and the embarrassing, even the miracles, yes miracles...all the experiences that took me to that very point, it was like I re-lived them in fast forward just walking those grounds till the pictures were done and I was back at the spot where I had been sitting, but now barefoot.

I looked at the time, I had spent 6 hours already in this place without speaking to a single individual. I rushed to the chapel to wrap up my thoughts and say a few prayers before it got dark. I found there was really not much left to say in there. Then the thought came to me…”Create the future”

Fortunately my phone is a notebook which meant I could make notes, because I had carried nothing with me to the venue except myself and my phone which had been on silent mode all through my time there.

I wrote one line – Go inside & Create!

Upon further reflection I came to understand the words better.

Go       = Move, Take action

Inside = Your mind, Your thoughts

&         =  Pause, Think

Create = Do something new!

Every day, I try to reflect on these words…

-  Am I moving? Am I growing? Am I taking the right actions?

-  All this movement and action, Is it really me, Is it from an authentic place, Is it my journey or someone else’s?

- Who am I right now, who do I aspire to be, where am I going, what do I want to be remembered for?

- What have I done with all this growth & information, how have I used my gifts to solve a problem? What have I created that is genuinely mine?

The answers to these questions keep me driven and purposeful. You could try to answer them too for yourself, see if it helps to fill your days with meaning.

The whole essence of this post is to remind us that as humans we are filled with creative power, and often when we stop creating we become restless because we feel the void. It is important to take a pause every now and then, to go back inside you and really re-connect with your journey, your values and your aspirations, while making conscious steps that take you closer to them each new day.

The temptation to get carried away with all the distractions is of course always there, but it is left to you to create the time for the moments when you reflect, take stock and plan anew!

So...when was the last time you went inside?

I hope this was useful🙏, cheers🍸 to open minds!

8. The Purpose Book

The topic of purpose is one that continues to hold my attention, as I seem to have this unquenching thirst to know more about discovering and living a life of purpose. At first it was just about me wanting to find that elusive calling that would suddenly give my life a focused direction, but as time goes by, I find that I am also interested in seeing that those around me are able to benefit from all I am discovering on this timeless concept.

Why the fixation on purpose? It’s because I believe purpose gives one’s life meaning, direction and value. Like, you can be moving or growing in whatever direction, but if it’s an aimless sort of growth then it really serves no purpose, it becomes a case of vanity upon vanities. There are numerous books to be found on this topic, but this is definitely one worth sharing due to its simplicity, clarity and insight, like I’m blown away. The fact that it uses the bible as its premise I think is also a plus, because a lot of us will be able to relate to the various ideas discussed and hopefully see how we all are part of the Grand plan for this earth.

The content of the book is broken down into 31 different powerful concepts, but I have picked 5 out of that number to elaborate on. Starting with…

1)     The Concept of placement – “ The Lord God planted a Garden toward the east in Eden, and there he placed the man whom he had formed”

Placement refers to the location that has been designed for you to be in, and from that place you will be fruitful and multiply. Your place is your sphere of enthronement, it is the place that you were designed to fit into, just like the garden was Adams natural habitat, your place will be that place where you would find it effortless to be yourself. Unfortunately some people are bent on dominating outside their place, and just like the Lion who is king of the Jungle cannot also be the king of the sea, when you wander from your place, you will struggle and eventually burn out.

There are 3 main areas of placement, these include Ministry, Industry & Society.

·        Ministry – Those placed in ministry are tasked with the responsibility of equipping others for their God given assignments and building them up to do exploits in their own various placements. Ministry is made up of the 5 gifts which Christ gave the church i.e. The Apostles, The Prophets, The Evangelists, The Pastors and The Teachers.

·        Industry – Isaac was a farmer, Daniel was a diplomat (politician), Esther was a Queen, David a shepherd turned King, there are many examples in the bible of persons not in the 5 fold ministry who God used to achieve his plans for Mankind. I’d like to reference one very important scripture here from Exodus 31:1-6. It says… “ Then the lord said to Moses, see I have chosen Bezalel, Son of Uri of the tribe of Judah and I have filled him with wisdom, knowledge and understanding of all kinds of skills to make artistic designs for work, and to engage in all kinds of craft, I have appointed Oholiab of the tribe of Dan to help him. Behold, I have given ability to all the skilled workers to make everything I have commanded of you”.

Many of us often find that we have unique abilities for various crafts, and this is because our cognitive abilities have been wired to positions us to function more effectively in certain career paths than others. Those in industry are usually business owners/entrepreneurs, employees etc. It is however critical to note that they too have a responsibility to the most high in the position he has placed them.

·        Society – Those in society are about service infusion. They live to serve humanity, and have an unusual capacity to take up the cause of others in need around them. To them, other people’s problems are theirs too and will not rest until they have done something about it. They are given to improving the society and reversing the arm of injustice. Many of them serve in Government, run civil societies/organizations, Build strong families, and greatly impact the lives of many. People are usually tempted to avoid this area of placement because it’s not as glamorous or rewarding as industry, but often times some of them work in industry and use the proceeds to fund their work in society.

Now beyond the areas of placement already discussed, there are some very key dimensions that significantly impact your placement. These dimensions are…

o   Geography – This indicates the physical locations that you are meant to occupy and operate in at different stages of your life. The key thing to note here is the fact that you thrive in the place you are meant to be, but sometimes people wander out of their geographic placements chasing greener pastures. Some people stay in their birth place to thrive, others move away to thrive... it all depends on what Gods plan for your life is but when you are in sync with that plan, you will feel at peace and God will bless you in that place.

o   Association – While lot was with Abraham, he prospered. When he departed from Abraham, he went under. There are associations necessary for the fulfilment of your destiny, be deliberate in identifying, acknowledging and maximizing those relationships that ensure you live out the fullness of Gods plan for your life. The bible is filled with many such examples e.g. Elijah & Elisha, Moses & Joshua, Even Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego whom Daniel was critical to their promotion in Life.

o   Function – Paul was an apostle, Daniel was a diplomat, Joseph an administrator, David a King, Abraham a farmer, Oholiab a designer, the list goes on. Clearly, we are all placed in different functional fields that will enable us fulfill the purpose we are meant for.

o   Hierarchy – The passage “you will be the head & not the tail” is one that many interprete to mean you will be the boss and not the assistant, but really when it comes to the plan of God, it is important that you occupy the position prepared for you. Sometimes, that might mean being in a supportive position and not in a leading one. Some people do well as leaders, while others do very well under the guidance of a strong leader and perform poorly when left on their own to lead, there is nothing wrong with playing a supportive role. However if you have been called to lead and you are hiding behind in a supportive role due to fear and other limiting factors, you will also not do as well as you should.

To wrap up this concept of placement, note that there is comfort in your place!

2)      The Concept of Gifts – A gift is an enablement or capacity which allows a person to perform an activity easily and gracefully especially when compared to others doing the same thing.

The same way employees are given tools to perform roles assigned to them, that’s the same way we all have been gifted to fulfill our calls. Just like fish have an innate ability to swim, gifts are pre-installed in every human; and through observation, practice and exposure these gifts can be identified and expressed. A person who can sing, only needs to sing and it becomes obvious to others that they have a capacity which many do not have, while others are so numerate that they can mentally calculate things that others will struggle to calculate even with a calculator. These gifts often position them to walk in certain career paths where those abilities are their strengths, and with that comes rapid movement in their career. Your gift when expressed has the capacity to make others pay rapt attention, and will take you into the presence of greatness. But you must first discover it, develop it and use it to bless/serve others around you. Release your gifts to the world as a blessing – (Major Key).

“The thing to note however is that movement does not always translate to progress, because progress is accomplished only when you are moving in the direction pre-destined for you. Your movement has to be in fulfillment of your call, otherwise you may impress men, but heaven will not be impressed”.

3)     The Concept Of The Call – A call is an assignment that you have been tasked to fulfill for which you have been provided the tools (gifts) to carry out this assignment. This call will take different routes from season to season, but it will remain headed in the same direction. Each person gets a unique experience where the call begins to get clearer and clearer, but first you have to do the internal work to really understand yourself and what pulls you in. You also need to really seek the lord in prayer to help reveal and solidify this call in your life. The answers will come in varied ways as required for each person, some get an outright revelation, others in more subtle ways. The call, however is the big picture that God had in mind for your life i.e. what he wants to achieve through you. So don’t quit searching, in due season it will be revealed to you as long as you remain diligent in your seeking, while fulfilling what is required of you to the best of your ability wherever you currently are.

4)     The concept of Times & Seasons – “To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heavens. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)”. Notice how when a fruit is in season everything co-operates with its growth, the weather, the sun, the water, the harvesters, even the sellers. But before that season it kind of remains hidden and struggles along, but in season it becomes the most popular/desired fruit around. The same reality applies to us when it comes to our assignments, there are seasons and times attached to them. These seasons are…

·        Season of discovery – This phase is a hidden phase because you are seemingly still in obscurity in the field you have been called to lead in. The author makes a profound statement here that “Full discovery is never an event but a process. In other words, it is as if God takes you on a journey to introduce you to yourself”. The season of discovery strengthens your sense of awareness of your call and your relevance in the world.

·        Season of development – David the shepherd boy spent his early years tending his fathers flock and fighting off lions and bears who threatened the sheep in the wilderness. Unknown to him, those were years of preparation for the Goliath he would defeat and the people he would lead and protect. What if he had run away from the Lion and other wild beasts, he would have lost out on the Goliath test that propelled him into recognition as Israel’s potential King.

Preparation/Practice is therefore one key process before success is achieved. This is because the gift inside you usually comes in a form where it is at a low potential, you need to therefore continuously develop it before it grows into full maturity.

·        Season of deployment – For the first 30 years of the life of Jesus, he was literally unknown by the world. Though at the age of 12 he was already beyond discovery and was found in the temple sharing knowledge with the elders, but for another 18 years nothing much was heard of him as he underwent the various experiences he needed to mature. At the age of 30, he was deployed. The season of deployment is one in which the most high publicly announces you to the world. Suddenly the you that people did not know becomes prominent in your field. In this season, the solution that you are shines so bright that people who need what you carry, begin to look for you from all over. This phase is that which everyone desires, but you must realise that there is a PROCESS to getting there.

5)     The concept of the Seven Mountains – This for me was like the Icing on the cake because it was a real shift for me in the way I have viewed my role and what I need to do. Let us begin with a verse from the book of revelation 17: 9-10. “And here is the mind which hath wisdom, the seven heads are seven mountains on which the woman sitteth. And there are seven kings, five are fallen and one is, and the other is not yet come and when he commeth, he must continue a short space”.

The author makes reference here to end time events as predicted by the bible, the seven mountains here symbolize 7 powerhouses that have influenced the kings of the earth and corrupted them. The woman who sits on top of these power houses that influence the Kings is likened to the Culture/Norms/Behaviours that pervade every aspect of life and as such ultimately influence the lives of all. The focus of this concept is the role that we are meant to play in promoting the kingdom of God. There is a whole chapter in the book focused on the concept of the kingdom of God on earth whole sole purpose is the promotion and implementation of Righteousness (Goodness), Peace and Joy. All our combined purposes and calls are directed towards the one objective of establishing the Kingdom of God on earth, and we will do this by promoting Righteousness (Goodness), Peace and Joy in the seven mountains, the seven powerhouses that influence the Kings of the earth. These mountains are…

o   The Media (Strategy is to fill the air with bad news and propaganda)

o   The Government (Strategy is to stablish corruption/oppression as a norm)

o   Education (Strategy is to establish humanism i.e Love of self vs Love of God)

o   Economy (Strategy is to establish money as an idol, love of riches, greed etc.)

o   Arts & Entertainment (Strategy is to establish lifestyle compromise )

o   Religion (Strategy is false doctrine and idolatry)

o   Family (Strategy is to establish rejection and abuse )

Now if you operate in any of these pillars of society and can influence what goes on there, you are operating as a King in that pillar. Your purpose is to use your God given abilities and strengths to positively influence what happens there for goodness, peace and joy. Our whole existence is not just to participate passively, we are to advance and influence because there is a struggle going on. Your desire for the top, and to be the best in your field should not be about self-aggrandizement but it should be about positively influencing your followership and those you have responsibility over to further the God given agenda.

In conclusion of this post, I’d like to just state here again that they are 31 powerful concepts explained in this book, but I have only elaborated on 5 of them. I encourage you all who are seeking more understanding on purpose to get yourself a copy so you can read up on all of them. It will be a worthy investment.

I wish us all the strength & grace to discover purpose in our lives, and to take the right steps in fulfillment of it. Amen!

I hope this was useful🙏, cheers🍸to open minds

You can contact me on aykay80@gmail.com for any enquiries you might have, or just leave a comment and I'll be thrilled to respond.

7. My IWOW experience (Nuggets on creating your own economy and living a life of value)

When you hear an event is at the wheatbaker and see the line up of speakers as shown in the picture, you already have a certain kind of expectation and those were my thoughts as I drove into the venue that morning. I was very early, I think the 1^st attendee to arrive, they were 3 or 4 ladies already in the venue but part of the organizing team, so I had time and space to just take in the ambience on my own before it got busy with the arrival of other attendees. It was breath taking…I mean it, in my experience I had never seen a venue for such a programme look so beautiful...and there was something else, it was in the air, the place had this scent like a garden, filled with flowers and some sort of light burning incense. I kept taking in deep breaths, I did not want to release the air from my lungs.

Eventually I walked to a seat at the back of the room and put down my bag, all the seats at that time were unoccupied but I sat in the back, and as I looked around the room I asked myself why are you seating at the back? At that moment I realized I was a little afraid, can you believe it? You see…I had paid for the Executive ticket which gave an exclusive admittance to a master class session targeted at individuals who wanted to take their businesses or creative ideas to #Mega levels, we were talking CEOs and Leaders in different works of life, and here I was, suddenly thinking. Uhmmm maybe I should have just gotten the regular tickets, this is too grand for me, am I going to be the dumbest person in the room? Bla bla…my mind kept going. So I got up and walked out of the room to the ladies. When I walked back into the room, I marched right up to the front row and put my bag down, because in the rest room I had said to myself what’s the worst that could happen, you’ll watch and you’ll learn, so take a vantage seat and get ready to absorb.

The other attendees started to arrive (See, women are beautiful), allow me to indulge here pls.

The 1^st lady that walked in was very tall and had a certain kind of beauty that in my head I described as firm, she wore an Ankara skirt with a white shirt and had this carriage that made me feel like the Head girl just walked in, she had an expression that seemed to say, I’m here and if there’s a problem I’ll fix it, plus colorful trendy glasses and looked right at home in the lavish set up. As others came in, I allowed myself to look at them unashamedly and just appreciate each one while trying to figure out in my head what they did, I did not approach any of them, but as I sat and watched, a lady came up to me, she said Heloooo, I think I know you, I smiled at her and I stood up to say hello...I had just met my 1^st #IWOW Sister.

The Opening

The session was opened with prayer, followed by dancing (there was an in-house DJ with fantastic sound and light effects). Let’s talk a bit about the dancing, because I think everyone understands why prayer, but dancing not quite so much, some people may even ask what all the singing and dancing was about? so here’s what I think it was about. For me, it was the perfect Ice breaker and loosening up tool. We were at that point, about 30-40 women in the room who were probably just meeting each other for the 1^st time, we all came from different backgrounds and had different priorities, but one thing we all had in common was our ability to move our bodies, When the music came on, one by one we started to move, the bolder ones pulled the shy ones in, and before we knew it we were in a line up dancing around the room, suddenly the atmosphere in the room had gone from one of expectant silence to familiar laughter, and as we watched each other move, we smiled and held hands and clapped and teased, by the time we got back to our seats, the chatter in the room had to be quietened by the anchor lady.

Major Learnings & Aha! Moments

I could tell a story about each speaker but then this might become too long, so im just going to share highlights from my notes. By the way I wrote until I finished the ink from 2 pens and nearly filled up my summit notebook. Not just about the things being discussed, but also about all the ideas and thoughts that flowed to me due to the level of inspiration in the room. It was that rich! So, here we go…

DAY ONE

·    Pursue what you have an interest in and enjoy doing, as this will act as a sustaining factor when times are tough, don’t jump into what seems to be the trend because eventually you will fall way behind those who have the passion/enjoyment factor driving them on.

·    Be clear about your values, in essence what you would do and wouldn’t do, write them down so that they act as a guide when controversial situations come up. Failure to do this might have you compromising yourself and diluting the essence of your brand, in a bid to make progress under desperate circumstances.

·    Who are your influencers and who are your friends? What kind of counsel do you receive? What you let into your environment is essential to your growth, so be conscious of who you surround yourself with and what you learn/unconsciously pick up from them.

·    Hope is not a strategy. We need to move from hoping/wishing/thinking to documenting our strategy, stating clear milestones that can be used to measure our progress. After you’ve documented this, keep a circle of accountability – people who will help you keep your eye on the ball, gently nudge you back in line when you seem to be going off, and encourage you when your strength seems to wan.

·    Seeing success in others should not intimidate you or make you feel envy, it should inspire you. Intimidation keeps you in a place of grumbling, while inspiration moves you into a place of action. Appreciate the milestones others have made and celebrate them, you cannot attract what you do not celebrate.

·   There is a new consciousness on doing great creative things, The New is right where you are. Work with what you have in your hands, do it from wherever you are, quit waiting for the right place, the right connect, the right amount, start with what you have, wherever you are.

·   Take stock of who you are. What are your strengths? Your values? Why are you doing what you do? and what is your definition of success? Give this deep thought, write them down and be deliberate in fulfilling what you know to be your personal vision. If you never had one, then try creating one using the guide questions above.

·    Never be ashamed or modest with your history & where you’re coming from, use it instead as a bridge to connect to others, enhance your experience and build an even better you.

·    You don’t necessarily need to own a business yourself to give value, you can work for others and still be a person of great value with unique skills that the organization appreciates and recognizes. You only need to clarify what value you give and do it from a place of intention and skilled purpose.

·    Be clear about who your target audience/customer is, else you run the risk of expending energy and resources chasing everyone and everything. You may be selling, but hardly growing, so check your margins and be certain you’re expending energy in the right place.

·    Never underestimate the power of association and endorsement from the right people, become pro-active about getting the right people see your work, use your work and re-commend your work. You must have contact with those who are able to take you where you envision.

·    The media is a powerful tool to help you grow and reach corners far out of your reach, if you tap into it and use it correctly. Be deliberate about what you put out there about yourself and your business.

·    Sign up for forumns that will empower you, don’t wait for your organization to train you, seek out programmes that will grow you mentally and financially. Attend!

·    Ladies, we need to stop tearing each other down and just appreciate each other. To quote one of the attendees. “It’s time to stop wondering if she’s wearing a body shaper and just appreciate how good she looks in the body shaper, it’s time to stop gossiping about her cheating husband and appreciate her strength and growth inspite of it all”.

·    The purpose of your enterprise should never be just about you and all the nice things you stand to gain (e.g. cars, houses, bags, etc.) Always think of how you are giving back to the society and how you are creating value that has ripple effects in contributing to the lives of others, e.g. your staff, your clients, your vendors etc.). This higher vision will create everything else. See your vision as a tool in helping others succeed.

·    Have a global outlook and benchmark your business or Ideas using Global standards.

·   You don’t have to do everything yourself, collaboration is very important, when you know yourself and your strengths, harness the strengths of others to fulfill other parts where you’re not so strong. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s one of the greatest strategies of life.

·    Sometimes life knocks you down to prepare you or direct you along a certain path, don’t stay down, use your pain to grow and build. Challenges are a constant in life, what you do with it however is what sets you apart from the victims.

·   Whether glass ceiling, bamboo ceiling, whatever ceiling, when you shatter or break through it, you emerge with cuts and bruises, and while that may have been necessary for a time, the best bet now is to remove the ceiling both mentally and otherwise so that others can pass through unscathed. This you will do by ensuring that women are represented when decisions are being taken, and not shy away from those tough situations. Speak up and speak out!

DAY TWO

·    Ceilings are mental concepts and exist in different spheres of life, there are culture ceilings, there are age ceilings, there are race ceilings and there are religious ceilings. The thing about ceilings however is that all those who ever transcended them, decided to overlook their existence and push on in spite of them.

·    We all have different destinations (priorities) in this life, so why focus on what someone else is doing, run your own race and focus on your own journey. You might want what they have but you don’t know their struggle.

·    You need to recognize your hours of intense strength and inspiration, (those moments when ideas flow freely and you execute flawlessly) Use those hours consciously, and don’t fritter away those times. (Mine is early in the morning – I feel a certain level of spirituality in the mornings, my strength is high and it’s quiet so I can really go into my mind.)

·    Fear is a normal phenomenon of life, so you can feel the fear… but don’t let it stop you. More importantly, when your purpose/reason is compelling enough it will overshadow whatever fears you have, because your focus will be to achieve that purpose inspite of any challenges that come your way. Therefore, clarify your purpose, as it will be an added source of strength on those stormy days. Think, yes im afraid, but what can I do to move from a place of fear to a place of empowerment.

·    We fear what we do not understand and we are impatient with what we do not want to occur in our lives. The next time something or someone repels you, ask your self in what ways has this harmed/affected me, and in what ways have I harmed/affected others like this. Maybe then we can begin to listen/look beyond our irritation and really see the situation for what it is, with empathy.

·    Crisis wakes you up from your comfort zone, embrace it and grow

·    Try not to play the sexuality game.

·    Any economy/situation is driven by the amount of faith you have in that economy/situation, if you don’t have faith in it, you don’t believe in it and you don’t commit to it. At the slightest sign of trouble you bolt, and if everyone bolts at the sign of trouble who then stays to make things work.

·    We all need to go back to our different spaces or spheres of influence and begin to work on improving the position of all with whatever abilities we have. Public wealth enriches all. Individual wealth impoverishes everyone.

·   When your life is all about you, Joy is difficult. Ask yourself, how can I align my personality/business/strengths to the biggest questions the world is asking.

·    Focus is good, but it’s good to know other things as well, so you can converse and have a bridge in connecting with others outside your comfort zone. Therefore, educate yourself, not only on the things you like, but on relevant happenings around you, and your world in general.

·    Don’t be friends with only those who tell you all the time how awesome you are, have those who tell you the good, bad and ugly. They keep you grounded and help you grow.

·    She…who do she, She…do she! Meaning a person is the 1^st beneficiary of whatever poisen, ill will, envy, negativity, malice that they dish out to others. So if you’re busy condemning and plotting against others, you can be certain you’ll receive same in full measure, pressed down and shaken over. Basically whatever you do to others will come back to you.

·   The 1^st rule of influencing others is in giving value to them. Once your value is proven, they are more readily willing to accept your input on things.

·    Cultivate the people sitting next to you, they may be the girl next door right now but are in essence tomorrows CEOs, Ministers, MDs and Moguls. The focus is too much at the top, and those people barely have any time and too many clashing priorities.

The Shock Factors (Controversial discussions of the summit)

·   The ultimate shock factor came from one of the female speakers in the summit because she dared to venture into topics that we ladies typically shy away from or pray away from. Topics like divorce, sex, adultery, sex toys, corporate battles, Revenge, God being a He-She, the joy of taking a lover and male emasculation. There was a plot to all this, it wasn’t just random but I’d not go into the details. What I’d like to go into however is the mixed reaction in the room. While some ladies stood up and clapped to cheer her on as she spoke, some ladies walked out of the room in either shock, anger or embarrassment, a few others sat calmly and listened. I observed the 3 groups almost like I wasn’t quite there myself. It was a strange feeling, I heard everything she said but when the reactions started, I found myself watching the faces of those around me and trying to understand what was happening inside them at that moment. I kept wondering even as I watched, what side am I on? I never really figured it out, what I noticed however was my pen flying across the pages of my notebook, I had recorded my entire experience of that moment, plus that of a few people I intensely observed. I could feel each of their perspectives and all felt justified in their own right. In that moment I connected with them all, the speaker and the 3 different perspectives in the room, maybe there was a 4^th , maybe there were others absorbing like me, I learnt something about myself in that moment.

·   The next shock factor came from a young male speaker who talked about his deliberate abstinence from Social Media during the Lent season. While not condemning social media, he made it very clear that social media seems to be becoming more of a curse than a blessing to those who use it carelessly (majority of this generation). A particular statement of his really struck a chord with me, he said “There is a rush to declare victory even when still in the process. We are so caught up with letting other people know how far we’ve come, that we cut short the process of fully becoming”

“The urge to impress others has begun to truncate our own growth, this constant cycle of seeing what others have done is becoming poisonous to our souls, people don’t want to undergo the process of growth anymore, they just want to show. #PepperDemGang

·    The 3^rd shock factor came from the Ex-Governor who at the beginning of his speech challenged all who were in the room to move into politics, because the change we expect for this country will never come if we continue to stay out of the affairs of this nation. He likened it to expecting things to change when Lunatics have been left to run the asylum. He said “The issue isn’t that there are no people to do the jobs that need to be done, the issue is that you the best people have left the best jobs for the worst people, all because you don’t want to get your hands dirty. “Don’t talk about creating your own economy until you change the status quo of this nation”. You can’t imagine the buzz in the room as he spoke sharing real life experience from his tenure as Governor, challenging us normal citizens to begin to take steps to move into the decision making positions, v.s sitting on the outside bickering about how the country is being run.

·    The last shock factor I’d like to write about was from the “catalyst” who asked us to envision our future and picture our death and eulogy. The idea behind this was to walk from the end back, and note down all the things we’d like to be remembered for, while taking conscious steps starting now to live lives that would be worth remembering and would count for something. There were few whispers under the breath of, how can I picture my death? God forbid etc. His message however was that death is inevitable, the sooner we accept and begin to make every waking day count for something meaningful, the better for us and the world at large.

Now I know a lot of what I’ve shared here is probably not new to some of us, but remember this is just a summary of all the giving and receiving that was happening in the summit. You cannot put into a quote the feeling of complete trust and love in the hug of a person who few hours ago was a stranger to you, or even the tears of women in the room who empathized with a sharing sister. You cannot capture the gratitude in the heart of one, who a stranger suddenly offers to help set up their business in a location they only dreamed about, or the wonder of an isolated woman sitting by herself being approached by another whose intention is to connect in a meaningful lasting way. The truth is, these kinds of sessions are mostly impactful to those who are open to it, but I certainly hope that I’ve been able to at least give you a few thoughts to ponder on, which either in the short or long term will be beneficial to your growth as an individual and as a business.

My gratitude goes out to the founder IWOW Mrs Udo Okonjo -The Queen's daughter herself (inside joke). A queen by all standards, a brave woman, an innovator and a mentor to many. Also to Mrs Winifred Ajakpovi (One of the organizing members) an ex colleague, a friend and sister to me, who sent me the invitation for the summit. What your team put together was powerful and will stay with me for a long...long time.

I will not leave out my summit sisters, Fatima of Frontida (The elite concierge outfit), Ziba by Anne Ekwueme (For the woman who understands royalty), Cornelia (Of coronation Bank who coaches troubled women ), Shirley hills (The compere and upcoming mistress of ceremonies). You ladies made my experience soooo rich...Thank you for being open.

You can contact me on aykay80@gmail.com for any enquiries you might have, or just leave a comment and I'll be thrilled to respond.